Syn's Deep In My Blood - Book 2

Tourniquet

"...and what about him? Can you forgive your best friend?"

I breathed in and out and kept listening to Brian's words to me. He described everything that happened to Emily, how he found her, and how he was trying to keep her clean by locking her in a hotel room until Jason came up with the solution to her almost death. Wow, it was a lot to handle.

"...and you can think I'm lying when I say this, but... I'm in love with her, man. I have this urge inside of me to always see her happy. I know I screwed up. We hurt you playing those games, hiding from you. I thought she was just a fling for you at first. The last thing I wanted was to break your heart, Jim. But I couldn't stay away this time. I'm so sorry, man."

I was able to believe each word he said, surprisingly, even after he lied to me so many times when looking inside my eyes. Somehow, I still saw him as my friend and could finally believe he was really in love with the same woman I was. But it didn't erase the fact I was damn angry at him.

"I don't know. It's so hard to put everything that happened behind. He cheated on me with my girl, he lied several times, he..."

"He was trying to move on when you sent Emily on the bus that day, right?"

"Yeah, I guess he was, but..."

"You wanted to hurt her."

I thought about it for a few seconds.

"Yeah, I hate the fact she was with me wanting to be with him."

"They grew apart; she was only with you. And you still wanted to hurt her. Don't you think you've made a few mistakes over your jealousy too?"

"Yeah, I did... But I'm still not sure if I wanna talk to Brian ever again. Our friendship was too worn-out to get it back the way it once was. I don't know..."

"... I'm sorry for punching you and saying those things I... I hadn't slept for two days, I had blown some, I was just... I know it doesn't justify anything, but... She wanted to talk to you, and I thought it wasn't the best idea for her to get near you when she was still in her recovery process. She wanted to convince you to get clean with her. And I let my jealousy speak for my fists and my words. I'm sorry, bro. Just... get your ass back here as soon as you can, alright? We fucking miss you..."

I felt him getting up and leaving the room. Now I was alone with my own blabbering mind again.

"She's getting clean, apparently. She's fighting for herself now. Don't you wanna be brave and follow the example?"

I snorted a laugh.

"Life is not a fucking bed of roses, you know? Most of the time, you wanna get rid of your demons, and there's just one fucking thing that can do that for you. It's called heroin."

"But now that you are here, stuck on this bed and inside your mind, you don't need it, do you? You are detoxing right now, and you're not going through the nightmare Emily had to go through. It's your chance to get rid of this now."

"I don't know. I can't feel my body. This feeling is pretty awesome, actually. But I know as soon as I wake up, I'm gonna have to get back to my habit. I can't last a single tour without it. Don't get me wrong, I love to play, I love to be on stage, but the price you pay... You gotta pay with your life, man. You get lonely, you spend all the time on the road without your family, you don't sleep well, you don't eat well, it drains every bit of energy you have."

"You are aware you don't need to do this for the rest of your life, right?"

"I'm nothing without my drums. It's all I have."