Mistakes

Prologue

Prologue 

Where to start? So much has happened in such a small period of time that the question who am I? has been coming to mind more often that it should for your average 18 year old guy. I  mean, I know that most teenagers my age aren't completely sure who they are and who they want to be, but I can tell you that I am 100% sure that most teenagers my age have more of an idea of who they want to be than  do. I'm sorry, I just lied to you. I've been trying to cut back on the lying, so I'm going to point out my lies. Lie #1 was when I said I was an average 18 year old guy. That's as far from the truth as the edge of the universe is from the sun. Lie #2 was when I compared myself to other teenagers my age. Since I'm far from your average teenager, comparing myself to the rest of them might be conidered bad self-esteem on my part, but once you've heard my story you'll know why. Now that I've fixed my mistakes (I've made a lot of mistakes recently) I shall continue: I have no idea who I am or who I want to be. Zero. I can't tell you who I am, and I'm not sure abot who I want to be, but I can tell you who I was....

My name was Blake Childress. I was the toughest guy at and away from school. If your definition of tough tanslates to being a major jerk and (though I didn't know it at the time) having everyone secretly hate you, yet being too afraid to actually confront you. But it wasn't only fear that held my more negative admirers from confronting me. I had looks, grades, and money on my side as well. Honestly, the only thing I was missing was personality. Now, before the pitying thoughts of Poor kid, he has such bad self-esteem. Mayebe he should see a counselor. let me tell you something I've learned: When someone tells you something bad about them, odds are that it's true. Especially in my case. I'm not telling you this because I want your pity or because I just have such a bad image of myself that I have to vent to someone. I do have a bad image of myself, but believe me, even you'll understand why shortly. I guess I'm telling you this first becuase maybe it'll help prepare you for what's coming. 

Because to make matters worse, I was just a jerky, spoiled high school guy. I was also a werewolf. Forget everything you've ever heard about us. We don't chase after sparkling vampires, and we don't shift when it gets a little chilly outside. I shifted when I wanted to. And when I shifted, I was worse than when I was human. I know that seems hard to believe considering how I've just spent the last couple of paragraphs telling you all my best qualities, but it's the honest to god truth. Because when i shifted, I was a murderer. 

Yes, you read right. I killed people as a wolf. When I changed I felt I was above all the common rules, all the laws, even all the moralalites. I wish I could say it's because when I shifted I became an animal and didn't know what I was doing, but that would be a lie, and I'm done lying. When I shifter, I know exactly who I was and what I was doing. I made my own decisions, and I chose to kill.

Don't get it into your head that all werewolves are killers and feel that they are above all moral codes. That would be like saying all humans are killers, and that's not the case. Most werewolves fight the beast within, fight any anger or violent tendencies, just like humans. The difference is that with us werewolves, the beast within was a bit more violent than it is in the average human, though not more uncontrollable. In a way, all humans have a killer in them, just as all werewolves do. But both fight it, some never even notice it's there, waiting, watching. I got sick of fighting when I was 15. It was then that I made my first kill. 

The rest of the pack tried to warm me. You see, as a werewolf, you have to shift at least once a year. When we choose to shift more than once a year, it gradually gets harder and harder to phase back. I never listened, of course, and phased whenever I wanted. The pack also greatly discouraged my killing. None of them have ever killed anyone, ever. Most of them would have turned me in if that wouldn't have exposed them as well. It was this continued neglect to listen to them that lead me to be both kicked out of the pack, and in my current position. 

Killing and being a jerk was my life. There wasn't anything else I did. There's not really a good reason for my killing. I guess it was mostly me proving to myself that I was strong and didn't need anyone and trying to prove to myself - as I'd proven to everyone else - that I was tough and strong. I know that's a very weak excuse that really sugarcoats my sins. I'm not trying to cover it up. 

Then I ran into a girl and something strange happened. Before you decide to stop reading, let me assure you that this will not be some sappy romance where the bad boy meets the good girl and slowly learns the error of his ways. Believe me when I say that while I'm not positive of who I am right now, I am positive that I'm no longer who I was. I have learned the error of my ways, and a lot of it had to do with her. But it was more complicated than that little plot I just gave you. Because my life was never that simple. But don't let my ruin the story. Meeting her was literally only the begining...