Syn's Deep In My Blood - Book 2

Against All Odds

"What about now, Jay? Are you ready to see him?" Emily finally asked me after we had spent a lot of time talking about everything that happened on the tour while I was away.

I was still shocked by how much had happened after she told me she had broken up with Jimmy in her last phone message without any further explanations. And then she just got back at this subject out of a sudden, me and my lack of courage to face the man I missed so much. God, I don't deserve him. Why is he insisting on me...

"You wanna know why I did it? How I had the strength?" Emily was the only person I felt really comfortable talking about my feelings so I'd just gonna spit it all out to her.

"Tell me."

"You warned me not to go with you. Zack warned me about the road. None of you wanted me to quit my job cause you know it was important to me. And I just couldn't listen. I felt like I hadn't lived yet. I felt empty doing the same things every day, only practicing and performing. I needed an adventure, something I could... tell my grandkids about, you know? You don't have that kind of rush playing in an orchestra. I wanted the kind of rush you have on the road."

"We all make bad decisions, Jess..."

"Yeah, but... I don't, Emily. I never did something like that, I never took risks, and once I did, I lost control of everything else. They have a new pianist, and it killed me when I saw how happy she looked, wearing the exact same smile I wore when I left. Now I can't even sit close to a piano cause I'd start crying, thinking about what I lost and won't have back. And... I couldn't stay close to you or... him for the same motive. I disappointed you two. I was so hypocritical judging you and..."

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that you can start again, with him, with me, with your parents... with yourself. See! You're already talking to me and facing me. That's a huge step. But I need you to take another step now, Jess. You need this. You need him. He's not here to blame you for anything. He's blaming himself all this time."

"I hurt him. I don't think I..." why people couldn't understand how serious was the fact that I was responsible for a life inside of me and I... simply killed it. I'd never know the color of his eyes. I'd never know the color of her hair. And that is something I'll carry with me forever, this guilt. Me, only.

"Yes, you can. You're the strongest person I know, Jessica. I always mirrored myself on you, secretly, of course." Emily smirked, and I answered with an invisible smile. "I always wanted to be like you, to be successful and virtuous like you are, to have full control of my life, you know?"

"And I always wanted to be like you... to be free of my own mind restrictions and not give a shit about anything that is not my music. And I'd appreciate having your perfect pitched ears too, by the way..." I shrugged, and we traded sweet smiles.

"If we could switch brains, we would be so much happier, wouldn't we?" Emily added, and we both chuckled. "He's waiting for too long outside, babe. He deserves to know you still care about him. You two suffered enough being apart. I'm gonna call him in, alright?"

"He's probably gone already..." I wished he was gone. But I wished he was embracing me at the same time. What kind of... mixture of feelings is that?

"No, he's not. He won't leave until you see him. And I'm about to prove I'm right when I open this door. You gotta promise me you'll see him. Are you ready?"

"No, I'm not." She ignored my negative and opened the door. She stepped away from my sight, and there he was, sitting alone in one of those numerous empty chairs, his head down on both hands. Emily was right. He wouldn't give up. "God, Ems, I can't look at his hurt eyes knowing I'm the cause of it." I whispered one last time, but I knew it would be worthless.