Journal of an Empress

Your feelings not mine

Chapter One

Sunday and the feelings have been haunting me all day. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed and tired of feeling them. It has been seven months now since we spoke to eachother. Seven months of growing. Learning. Achieving new sides of myself. Learning my value and worth. When I look into the mirror I see such a beautiful and confident woman. A woman that knows what she wants and doesnt. It hasnt been easy to come this far but it has been worth it and still are. 

When I woke this morning I could just feel after the crazy dream I had that it would be this kind of day. I am lucky that I have came across so many texts about how strange it is that in a twinflame journey you can feel the DMs feelings so strong. I have felt your anxiety and eager to come forward to me, your longing for me, missing me and understanding that I am lost to you. That you might never be in my arms again and make me believe that we have a chance to build something again. That our roads will not cross again and that the choices you made was totally wrong and you made them out of fear. All of those feelings I have felt and I have been so tired. So, so tired. 

Of knowting that everything you have done will be difficult to start over from. Even if you will come here. Sit on my doorstep asking me for my forgiveness, is it even possible? Well I dont think so. I know that my heart longs for you, you have a great piece of it and my soul screams for you sometimes. I have made up my mind I want something true, honest and giving. Not someone who will ran when the love gets scary and trigger fears from the past . Or someone that seek other attention. In a third party, even if the biggeset problems always have been your liftestyle behavior.  For me it is still difficult to understand that someone was able to change over night like you did. From being so totally in love with me and being this superficial, egoistical man or well I might say boy. Well I know. You got scared, freaked out and ran, like you always have done before. I just knew something from start when you ran, that you didnt,  I had your heart, still has and you know it. That freaks you out because you have always been able to throw relatinonship off. Sorry, but I am not as anyone else. I am the Divine Feminine. The Empress. And you casted her off. Not a good choice to do Divine Masculine.

My spiritual awakening has been magical and still is. I am learning so much about being grateful, feeling blessed and feeling loved by right people. Giving love to right people. Saying no to people that arent hones and true. Givint to people that know that life isnt about materialistic and superficial choices. It is all about love. Kindness. Forgiveness. Learning. Hugs. Kisses. Being the one you was born to be. Living your souls purpose. YOUR souls purpose, not someone else. 

Divine know that I am grateful for this lesson. I have forgiven you for leaving. I actually have. Long time ago.  Sometimes it is just so hard that my soul longs for you and my heart feels a bit empty. We had a soul recognition. It was magical, special and divinely given. I knew that. But ot you. I know that I will come out stronger and more blessed. I am also excited for what to come.

I know when I have these kind of days that it is your feelings, not mine. I have learned when they are mine and that is a relief on those days. Makes me calm down the miserable feelings I have, being nice to myself, talking with friends, taking a walk, meditated, center myself and know that I am the empress. She doesnt chase. No more and never again.