A couple years ago... like a couple million, we weren't the same. We only followed our instincts- hunt to eat, eat for energy, use that energy to hunt then sleep but the main instinct is to reproduce. Now no longer since we have modernized and grew within a couple years, we don't do what we were made to. it all comes so easily and I find that boring because that is not what we're made for. I just need something. The only thing that really makes me feel alive is fear- it's my adrenaline pumping, like I were hunting.
And it's all I need.
It's MY hunting.
It's my addiction.
I need to get out of here, this is not life. It's not a dream. It's somewhere in between.
But no matter what, I know I'm wrong. It's probably derealization. But, no matter how much I insist nothing matters because everything is atoms and atoms are 99.99999% empty, therefore if we removed the nothingness we could pretty much fit all of humankind is a sugar cube- I'll always wait to be healed. My main character moment. I don't know, I feel like I'm special. Like I'm different from everybody else. I don't know how, though. I'll always wait for somebody to find me, not like a therapist though. I know the man of my dreams be intrigued and fall into obsession with be. Hopefully.
Fear.
It's my high.
I purposely wait till 3am to watch creepy pastas and insist it's real. It keeps me up at night. It's the only thing that makes me feel alive. Or running into a wall and hoping to no-clip into the backrooms. It's the only thing that stops the derealization.
But no matter what, nothing will heal me. I'm broken.
