She Saw Him

A Beginning

She had waited for him. She had waited for him for so long that that years became unnumbered, uncounted… Just a series of mental tally marks on the prison walls that were her tortured, longing mind. Not a day went by that did not see the salt of her tears staining her face and burning her cheeks. She had loved him, so very, very much.

True, she herself had considered ending the relationship countless times. He could be so critical, he would get so easily frustrated with her. Sometimes, he could just be so downright mean. He could also be sweet, romantic, caring, kind and loving. She often worried that the both of them had two distinct and seperate personalities.

The original personalities were filled with love and with passion. They ruled and were loved. Life has a way of destroying something beautiful in a way that no other thing can. He used to tell her that he felt certain that they would never fight, they got along so well. Yet in the end, it was his determination to provide for her that caused all of the problems.

She tried to be understanding, and in the beginning it had been easy. He had been in only one other relationship before, and that lasted for seven years. Seven years of worrying about how to pay this bill or that bill. She knew, he had told her, he just wanted to make sure that they never had to worry about money. He didn’t want to fight over money, but in the end it was his determination to make that happen that caused that very thing to happen. 

She was alone. The man who had loved her had abandoned her all those years ago. Yet here she was, living in her childhood bedroom at her parents home, waiting, hoping… praying that he would one day realize the mistake he made and come running back to her like an easily frustrated knight in shining armor. She was alone. Her parents had gone off on vacation for the summer, and were very critical of her lack of healing before they left.

The first night, she paced. Just paced. What else was there to do? She had considered calling him, but she needed him to be the one to come to her. Afterall, he was the one that left her. He had said some bullshit line about not wanting to hurt her any more. She wasn’t a saint in it either, though. She was truly cold and distanced. While inside of her chest her heart was shattering, breaking into billions, no… trillions of teeny, tiny pieces, he reaction was one of stifled anger. She acted like she didn’t care.

She thought about that fact a potentially infinite amount of times over the years. 

The second night, she fell into the deepest depression she had ever felt in her life. She was alone, and she truly felt it. She decided that she couldn’t bear to wait any longer. She spent the second night searching for her father’s gun. On the third night, she found it. His old, trusty 45.

Clutching the gun, she sat at the edge of the bed, doing her best to work up the courage.

“What if I burn in Hell for all of eternity?” she asked herself.

“Well, you’re burning in Hell right now, aren’t you? Nothing would get worse, only better,” some dark, twisted part of her mind countered.

With tears streaming down her cheeks and shaking hands, she put the barrel of her daddy’s gun to her mouth, and closed her lips around it. For some sick reason, it made her remember him. It made her remember how he felt in her mouth. She cried more intensely now, feeling foolish and way to human and vulnerable at the moment.

“Perhaps,” she thought aloud, “Perhaps… if I just call him. Maybe it could make things better.”

She pulled the gun from her mouth and set it on the bed next to her, and reached for the old, apple shaped corded phone on her nightstand. She still remembered the number. She only hope that he had kept the same number. She thought about this. What reason would he have to keep the same number, if not because he was waiting for her.

Feeling a sudden surge of hope, she picked up the phone and slowly punched in the numbers on the apple shaped buttons. She almost fainted when she heard a voice answer.