i love you

chain reaction

She had been heartbroken, to say the least. Though, it didn't feel that way to her. The love that had been lost was gone long before she was able to admit that to herself. The relationship which now fizzled out into ambiguously dark and shallow pain seemed impossible to deal with at the forefront of her emotions. While she had always considered herself somewhat headstrong, because she had to be, this was one situation she could admit had not been handled courageously nor gracefully. All she wanted, ached for, was a way to forget. To leave the truncated feelings behind. 

She sat beside Will gazing over the Black Lake in solemn wonder. Sure, he had seen the end much sooner than Mia, but the words "I warned you" which he desperately wanted to concede, faltered behind his tongue. He hated seeing her like this. Even if he had warned her.

"How are you feeling?" He whispered cautiously, so as not to startle or arise any emotions which had been spilling so frequently. He did not look at her but instead continued to stare at the dark ocean which seemed to reflect the night sky in both a deeply unsettling and fascinating way. Mia pushed her knees to her chest and buried her face in her lap, crossing her arms around her legs to conceal the guilt, the anguish, the regret. 

"I'm not sure," she mumbled, releasing a deep breath of air as if she had been holding it until permissed to succumb to the pain. 

When she tried to place a finger on her thoughts they seemed to mull around and jumble in her head. She couldn't remember the last time a coherent concept had crossed her mind and she was beginning to resent herself for allowing it to ever get to this point. One thing she did know was whenever she tried to recount the past few months she had spent with Scar, the only moments that pushed through her blurred perception were the ones which hurt the most. She recounted endless nights of disgust and discomfort, wondering to herself why she ever surrendered to begin with? 

As each of them were placed in Slytherin their first year, Mia had never particularly liked Scar. She had few memories shared with her in the years leading up to current and the ones she did have were not pleasant by any stretch of imagination. She often avoided her if possible and when not, attempted pleasant conversation through gritted teeth. Though Mia had earned quite the reputation for her cold demeanor, off-putting and unsettling to those of other houses, Scar's reputation within the house, not to mention the school itself, made Mia's seem gentle and bearable in comparison. How did I get here? She begged. Knowing an answer was as unlikely as forgiving herself.

"There must be some way we can detach your head from all this, if just for a moment," Will interrupted Mia's stream of consciousness. Will was placed in Ravenclaw first year and was a year below Mia but had met her in his 5th year in a club that Mia preferred to keep hidden from other Slytherin. Though she felt that she belonged in the house she had been sorted into, she never found herself completely satisfied with the friendships that had come with it. Will  had been different though. He saw Mia's harsh, oftentimes unforgiving qualities, and—well...forgave them. 

"I don't know," Mia answered slowly, debating whether asking Will to come here was good for either of them at all.

"Well, let's try." Will had turned to look at Mia now and was feigning an expression of eager capability, desperately hoping to pull something out of Mia that resembled any emotion other than the one she had sunken into within the last week. Though part of him assumed it would be lost on her.

"Try what," Mia groaned. She was trying to keep her irritability to herself as she had a common habit of misplacing her anger, but she had to admit that her habit of rejecting help was sometimes more powerful.

"Well...let's see. Is there anyone around who you've wanted to get closer to, but maybe never had the chance?" Will's tone was not hopeful as he knew a glint of expectation would send Mia right back into her cave of emotions. Instead, he spoke flatly, purely out of curiosity.

"I'm not sure what you're getting at but I've unfortunately made a mark on nearly the entirety of Hogwarts. Unlikely that someone will change their mind about me final year." Will ignored Mia's shrewd attitude and dismissal of the notion entirely. "Besides, it's only been a few hours. I doubt I have any redeeming personality left to introduce to someone new at this point."

Again, ignoring Mia's refusal, "I know there has to be at least one person out there you've never had the change to get to know. It doesn't have to mean that much, you know? Lower your expectations in creating some 'earth-shattering' bond and just have fun for once," he returned.

Mia looked up now, not at Will but the vast nothingness in the air beyond them. Her expression remained blank and tired. She thought for a moment before allowing herself to give in to Will's well-meant notions. "I guess there is someone."

"Okay, who?" Will knew better than to let himself get too excited by Mia's slow capitulation and returned her responses with the same level of energy and interest.

"I guess I've always sort of watched Emily in a way. Not creepily. Just out of interest." Mia was embarrassed to give up information so quickly as in her nature she felt whole in her stubbornness. But it was hard to hide this fact.

Will remained stern and serious, so as not to disrupt the free flow of Mia's thoughts.

"Which Emily, Licciardello?"

Mia slowly nodded her head. "Yeah. I'm not sure. I have just always had a good feeling about her. Any time I tried to get closer it failed. It would be nice to have a chance to get to know her...I guess." Mia tried to refrain from revealing her actual excitement in both her voice and her demeanor. She wasn't sure why she needed to feel so reserved at times like these despite her genuine emotions at the moment. She felt an underlying pressure to remain preserved behind the moment she urged to loosen her grip on her discern.

"Well then...why don't you reach out?" Will had a way of slipping in questions without making Mia feel as though they were an attack, which she often believed they were. Still, she was hesitant at first. 

"I don't know...I know her and Scar have been friends awhile. They're not super close from what I could tell but I get the feeling she's too good to hurt a friend. Even one as delusional and psychotic as Scar," Mia was back to bowing her head in her knees and sighed deeply feeling defeated by her own words.

"You never know unless you try. I mean...what do you really have to lose at this point?" While Mia would normally become significantly annoyed with Will at this point in the conversation, the past 24 hours had allowed some type of release to her usual stubbornness. She hated to admit it, but she really didn't have anything to lose. In her final year at Hogwarts she had attempted friendship with nearly every student of every house she could, but to no avail. Will was all she had to show for it. She might as well give it one more shot.

She pulled a tethered piece of parchment from her bag and scrambled out a quick note with little thought so as not to deter her from what she was about to do. If she had any hope it was faint and truly a throw in the dark. Still, she gave the rolled up inquiry to her always slightly disheveled owl, trying not to think about how desperately she hoped for it to return with a reply.