Hopeless

VIII

"Hope is a waking dream." – Aristotle

I believe that nothing in this world is more terrifying than the first day of college. And mine was nothing less than that. I woke up in the morning feeling anxious and giddy. I never really cared about college but the thought really intimidated me. Even though when I was little every teenage movie made the idea of college very appealing to my unadulterated mind. Now, it all seemed pointless and scary. Therefore, my excitement and anticipation were minimized to zero. I did not have big expectations, none to be exact, and I did not get tingles half an hour before I had to go to campus. College had no effect in me except for nail biting and intense nausea.

I had to drive myself to campus with my new car that aunt Maria bought me because as she said, 'I have no time to be a personal chauffeur to a lazy failure like you.'

And those were her exact words. And although they seem harsh and could possibly hurt my already hurt self, it felt nice having her talk to me.

The house had gone silent since she came back from her summer vacation and Gloria and I had less and less things to talk about. I had started helping her with chores when my aunt was around as a form of paying her back for the new car. I even had to go pick up her laundry or drive the car to a car repairer and then had to walk back home or take a cab and pay it with my pocket money. And, of course, since I had finished high school, my aunt was not obliged to provide me a safe, warm house so I had to find a way to pay her rent for my room. Once again, Gloria came to the rescue and found me a job as a babysitter for her sister's friend's four-year-old every Saturday night.

As the days went by and September 6th slowly walked closer to us, college did not look so bad in my mind. A few hours away from home did not seem bad after all. So the morning of sixth of September arrived and I timidly put on my NYU sweater and was set to leave 'home'. It felt strange to wear that sweater and deep down, even though I knew I did not earn it, I felt prideful and even a little... excited to be wearing it. I drove myself to campus but stopped at a random cafeteria to order a coffee. I walked inside and a warm breeze hugged my body. I decided, since I had some time to spare, that I would stay there and drink my hot coffee.

I sat at a small table near the big windows that had no other tables close to it. I hugged myself tightly and rubbed my palm together to create some sort of heat since I had brought the cold from outside with me.

'Here's your coffee.' The nice waitress told me and handed me the coffee

'Thank you.' I said and thought that was it. I was surprised when she asked me if she could sit with me and since I was not really in the mood to have a company I asked, 'Don't you have your work to go to?' She seemed a bit taken aback and I figured my tone was a little too harsh. I immediately felt so bad and I could sense my cheeks getting redder from the embarrassment.

'Oh no! I do not work here.' She said with a little chuckle in the end. 'The woman behind the counter that made your coffee saw that I was about to walk to your direction and asked me if I could give you your coffee.' She explained with a smile. She was constantly smiling, something that made me feel very uncomfortable and she twirled pieces of her hair a lot in her fingers. It was bright red, long and wavy. I could see why she was touching it all the time; it was truly beautiful. The weird girl in front of me seemed to be looking straight into my eyes like she was trying to put me under a spell making me feel tragically insecure.

My long pause made the atmosphere quite awkward so she just smiled again and gave me her hand to shake it.

'Nice to meet you.' I reluctantly gave her my hand and she shook it proudly.