you took a deep breath and held it until you couldn't last any longer, pushing yourself off the couch you left the common room where you'd been watching a film with clint, nat and steve. bucky had also joined you but after a while he grew tired and headed for bed. you didn't explain your swift exit, you left before they could question you because you knew if you didn't do this now it would never happen.
"how do i even start something like this?" you mumbled to yourself, walking through the empty corridors on your way to see him. "hey i know you're a super closed off ex-assassin with a blended mind who probably doesn't even acknowledge i exist as a person of the opposite sex but i think you're cute and i have a crush on you? jesus"
you shook your head, hitting your face with the palm of your hand. "think, think" suddenly you were outside his door, pacing as you tried to decide the best way to phrase this. "hey i've been watching you for a while and i kind of like you— god no, you sound like a stalker. you might as well be a stalker, having a crush on someone who literally doesn't acknowledge your existence," saying all of this aloud was only talking you down so in a brief spur of confidence you knocked on the door, which was followed by a quiet come in.
you contemplated running away but you forced yourself to push open the door. the lights were dim as you entered, only a lamp beside his bed providing light. bucky was moving out of his bed, setting aside a book he had been nosing at.
he smiled slightly at the sight of you and your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest, your palms growing clammy. you're an avenger for christ sake why is this so hard, you tried to belittle your nervousness in your head, hoping it would help you speak up.
"hey," he said softly, running a hand through his scruffy hair. he got to his feet, meeting you near the doorway you still stood in, frozen. "what's up?" hands in pockets, he wore a quizzical, tired expression that almost made you turn around and leave.
"uh, can i talk to you?" you tried to get straight to the point. he nodded. ok, this is it. don't— do not make it weird. just tell him.
he stood quietly waiting for you to speak again. your cheeks flushed pink and he furrowed his eyebrows briefly. "you ok?"
"i like you. a lot." you blurted. your cheeks felt hot and you knew you were embarrassing yourself but you couldn't let this go until you'd said what you wanted to say. you watched his expression change but you couldn't decipher what it meant, it was probably secondhand embarrassment. you continued regardless.
"sorry if that's weird. i always got the impression you thought i was kind of weird. but i just needed to tell you because it's been kind of killing me having to live with you and train with you and go on missions with you, and not have you know."
his eyes narrowed, head tilting slightly as he opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off, deciding you couldn't hear what he had to say just yet.
"i know you probably don't see me like that— and i know we don't really talk that much anyway so this is probably completely out of the blue and maybe i'm rambling a bit now but i'm nervous, you make me nervous. and i can't walk around the compound anymore, pretending you don't make me feel like this. i'll explode. i can't sleep some nights because i'm so bad at keeping secrets— it eats at me— i never have been very good at it— even when i was a kid i always ended up caving and telling the truth because i'm a bad liar— that's beside the point because—"
"woah," you snapped out of your rant when you felt his hand touch your shoulder. refocusing on his face you saw he was wearing a small amused smile. his eyes widened a little. "you talk a lot."
"just when i'm nervous," you mumbled, cringing at yourself. "sorry."
you felt a bit embarrassed. "you don't have to worry about any of this by the way," you spoke again, wishing you could take it all back by the expression on his face. "really i just needed to get this off my chest so i can move on from it."
he was quiet for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows and shaking his head softly. "what if i don't want you to move on?"
"what?" your eyes widened a little, taking a small step back from him, his hand falling from your shoulder.
he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, growing a little nervous himself now you were looking at him like that. he shrugged. "i haven't done this for a really long time— but i uh— you're pretty. i always thought so," he scrunched up his nose. "and you put up a good fight too."
your lips cracked into a small smile. your eyes were glossy, kind of disassociating, it didn't feel real. "huh," you mumbled quietly to yourself in disbelief. you shook your head, squinting your eyes at him for a second. "you also don't have to try and make me feel better, you kick my ass in training every time."
he cracked a toothy smile, ducking his head for a second. you watched him in awe, you didn't often get to see him smile, but it was a sight. "do you wanna go out sometime?"
"shouldn't i be asking you that?" his smile lingered on his lips, tilting his head to the side.
"this is the twenty first century, buck, keep up," you teased, nudging his arm.
"right, right," he nodded, quirking an eyebrow. "so that means i don't really have to wait until after the first date to kiss you, right?"
he caught you off guard, his hands gripping your waist and pulling you towards him. he leaned in, lips lingering over yours, waiting for permission. "hm?" he pulled back for a second to confirm, only to see your lips parted slightly, eyelids drooping and your cheeks flushed pink. he'd never seen such a pretty sight. you gently nodded your head, agreeing with him and giving permission.
"yeah," you said softly. "we don't have to wait."
you grabbed his forearm and pulled him back into you. his arms wrapped tightly around your waist as you hands trailed up to his neck. your fingertips traced his jawline, feeling it tighten under your touch. you cracked a small smile and he leaned down to kiss you, not able to wait any longer.
it was soft at first, his hands roaming up your back, your hands running into his hair. you were practically leaning on him, begging him to hold you up right. his lips were soft and gentle, taking his time.
"thanks," you mumbled without thinking as you pulled away to catch your breath. realising what you'd said, you cringed and hid your face in his chest. you felt him laugh softly as his chest moved under you.
"thanks to you too."
