A glimpse of light in the dark world 💫

Your hope is you !

There is an rude,rebel (according to world's standards) 17 year old girl named Marcus .She is a 60 year old lives in 17 year old body. She lives in Helsinki , Finland ,which is the well known happiest city on the planet earth .Gifts for new mothers, endless parental leaves, support for the unemployed, and of course free education and healthcare, make it fun to be a Finn.Which is not fun for her .She thought this world has no place for her,her ideas, thoughts,words,actions always stands out and she always feel empty.At her age of 13 she had fallen in love with a guy named Asuro.Marcus was mad about him,she likes everything about him, even the things that her friends thought as ugly. She idolized him,which is kinda toxic but that little do she know that he is gonna play about her feelings and throw it in a dustbin,actually he did it.

Marcus doesn't feel a thing after this incident happened , she just sat in a silent place, her mind was empty,she didn't cry or scream which is very surprising for her. She had a best friend named Maco,Maco consoled her.Maco was very supportive.After Marcus unrequited love,the whole world is under lockdown. She had planned to explore many things but she can't.She spended the whole year Binge watching series.She had a unhealthy addiction towards web series and kdramas but that is the only thing which made her happy during lockdown .She was depressed. After this all shit she finally went to high school.Her best friend Maco transferred to new class which makes her kinda sad ,lockdown and class transfer causes more misunderstandings between them.This made Maco talk shit about Marcus.Marcus saw Maco shitting about her which is quite devasting for her.Her other friends called her insane,go to insane asylum etc ,etc ... This kinda stuff doesn't matter to her.What Maco did was unbearable incident which gave her trust issues.Marcus never talk shit about Maco or anyone,she just say that in their face.What makes this thing unbearable is she thought even if this whole world doesn't understand or love her,she thought Maco will.She had faced a lot of betrayals in her life but this one hurts the most.

School,love,friends all turned their back at her.She thought her family will never do that.No no no she is wrong.How can she expect comfort and support from emotionally unavailable,narcissist father and mother.She is a victim of child sexual abuse but her father casually said that this thing happens to all the child , this is nothing.How can this horrible stuff is nothing to him. They absued her physically and mentally.She hate her family. No one is there to comfort or hug her.She felt empty.She thought she had no meaning to continue.She don't know how to address this kind of feeling although she always felt like that.

When someone said her that they love her,she will say nothing, she will just smile because she thought one day they will also hate her.She is unable to trust anyone.She became stronger on the outside and fragile on the inside.Hard and asshole on outside, broken child on inside. She thought nobody is there to understand her or nobody tries to understand her,neither she !..She don't find any need to love people which made her stand out from the society.She knows that as time goes by everything fall apart but she has a hope that she will become more stronger to handle all this stuff . She know that that she had her!.
She had a hope that the right person will chose her as selflessly she chose them.She will never have to hide her care,she will never feel like she is too much.She won't have to beg for the love she deserve.One day she'll be met as she is.One day she will become someone's biggest addiction and it won't bother her-she will no longer fight for someone who doesn't fight for her !
She had become her own hope ,she found her glimpse of light in this dark world 💫.