Stan realizes he's bisexual
I wrote this on a plane at 7 am
Cw, f slur (I can say it)
Stan always knew he liked girls. He had crushes on a few girls, like a straight boy. He never really questioned his sexuality. But one day, he started feeling very confused around his best friend, Kyle. He decides to go for advice to his friend Craig, who is out as gay.
"You gotta help me dude" says Stan. "I've been feeling weird around Kyle lately, I've been getting these butterflies and I get really nervous, but excited when I'm with him!"
"Stan?" Craig replied.
"Yes?"
"I really couldn't care less."
"Oh."
They sit in awkward silence for a bit, but then Stan says "I'm gonna ask Kyle on a date to see how it feels. But you gotta help me, I can't do it on my own!"
"Okay dude. I'll bring Tweek too, cause I couldn't care less about this so might as well make it a double date" Craig replied.
"...Okay, so double date it is. See you tomorrow at 6, at Casa Bonita."
Tomorrow at school, Cartman noticed Stan acting weird. He seemed really fidgety and nervous.
"Hey Stan, are you in loooove? Who's the lucky girl?" Cartman teases Stan.
"Shut up Cartman."
"Oh so it's a boyyyy? Fag."
"Shut your fucking ass Cartman" Kyle intervenes.
"Oh so you like Stan? I knew it from the start!"
"Ok class, today we're gonna learn about why people are trying to cancel Sia" Mr Garrison interrupts.
At recess, Kyle walks up to Stan.
"Dude are you okay? We all noticed you've been acting weird."
Stan throws up on the floor.
"I'm fine Kyle, trust me"
"Don't worry Kyle, he tends to do that when he's in love" Cartman says while walking past them.
"Shut up Cartman!!" Stan and Kyle say at the same time.
"Actually Kyle, there's something I've been meaning to say."
"What is it?"
"I think I like you. Not in a friend way, but in a romantic way. Do you wanna go on a double date with me? Craig and Tweek are also gonna be there."
"Sure dude. I've been questioning my sexuality recently too. I think... I like you too. I never said anything cause I knew Cartman would make a big deal out of it and ruin everything."
"Sweet! Today at 6, Casa Bonita."
"Alright!"
But what they didn't know, was Cartman heard some of their conversation.
"They're going to Casa Bonita? Without me? No! That's not fair! They know how much I love Casa Bonita!" Cartman thought.
The next day, they were all at Casa Bonita. Except Stan.
"Oh man, where's Stan? I sure hope this wasn't a prank on me..." Kyle says.
"I don't care honestly. I don't even want you guys to be here, except Tweek." Craig replied.
Suddenly, Cartman shows up dressed formally.
"Hello Kyle. Your date couldn't make it, so I'm here to replace him."
"I do NOT want to date you Cartman! You're always so rude to me! And you hate Jewish people!"
"That's not true Kyle. Where did you get that from?"
"No we are not doing a flashback. What the fuck did you do to Stan?"
"Why do you think it was me!?"
"Because that's what happened last time with Butters!"
"Dude, Stan isn't as stupid as Butters. What could I even say to him that would make him miss this?"
"Good point, but Butters is not stupid."
Meanwhile, Stan is locked in his room, crying. He received a letter from "Kyle" reading:
"Hello Stan,
I'm afraid I realized I'm straight. I don't like men and I don't want to lead you on, so don't bother showing up tomorrow."
Back at Casa Bonita,
"I'm gonna call him." Kyle says.
"No! You can't! He probably had something urgent pop up and couldn't make it! What if he's at a funeral? Do you wanna interrupt that?" Cartman replied.
"Actually, I already sent him a few texts." Craig says.
"You what!?" Cartman replied.
"Yeah, he's typing right now."
"Give me that phone now!"
Cartman tries to grab the phone from Craig's hands, but Tweek pushes him away.
"Ow man! You seriously aren't like the soft bottom those Asian girls drew you like at all!"
"No shit" Tweek replied.
"Stan says that Kyle said that he realized he doesn't like men so Stan shouldn't bother coming." Craig interrupts.
"I never said that! Can you video call him real quick?"
"Sure."
Stan picks up the video call, crying.
"Stan, I never said anything like that!"
"Then what's this letter?"
"...that looks like Cartman's handwriting!"
Cartman slowly backs away and then starts running outside.
"Meh, I don't care about chasing him. Stan, you should still come, there's still plenty of time!"
"So you do like me?"
"Of course dude."
Stan shows up after a while. They have a nice date and Stan realized, he's bisexual. Kyle prefers to go unlabeled.
