Reader is a school teacher dealing with her overwhelming grief over Emily's death. This is a song fic; first chapter inspired by Hello by Evanescence, and the second chapter is inspired by I Miss You by Adele. Heavy angst.
TW: suicide; suicide atte...
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"Emily?"
"Y/n..." she sighed walking further in the room. My knuckles tightened on the edge of the desk, my nails scratching into the wood. I slammed my eyes shut, squeezing them tight together. This couldn't be happening. My breathing sped up; my heart pounded in my chest. "Y/n/n," she repeated.
My head spun so fast I thought I might pass out. I couldn't think or breathe, let alone respond to her. My breath started coming out in pants, tears spilling out my clenched eyes. I wrapped my arms around my stomach to try and physically hold myself together. I dug my nails into my skin in an attempt to ground myself to the present moment.
"Y/n/n-" I heard her soft footfalls moving closer. I threw myself backwards, my wheeled chair slamming against the back wall. My head shook rapidly back and forth - a warning for her to keep her distance. My breathing had sped so much I was now hyperventilating. I clawed at the skin on my arms hoping to feel anything but this overwhelming confusion. My head fell into my hands, my fingers winding around my hair and pulling.
I was panting so hard, my entire face became wet with tears and strings of spit. My heart was burning from its rapid beat. I couldn't hear anything except the blood rushing around my head and my heart thudding in my empty chest.
I had truly lost it. I had spent countless nights lying in bed begging the universe to kill me or bring her back to me; it had finally listened. But I couldn't trust it. Because clearly I was on some psychotic break.
I felt a hand lightly touch my shoulder and pull me more upright. She surrounded me in her gentle embrace. "Oh baby," she sighed. Her sweet smell washed over me. Though the perfume was different, Emily's essence was the same. Surely I wouldn't be able to hallucinate a new scent on top of her natural, divine fragrance. Great. I was trying to rationalize my newest delusions. "Hey..." she said gently tipping my chin up to look at her.
My heart broke all over again. She was gorgeous. Pictures and memories were nothing. I felt like for the last four months I was cheated. Why did it have to take my mind four months to start hallucinating her? Her face was torturously beautiful. I hadn't seen such radiance in four months, and now my eyes didn't know how to process it. "Emily," I said, exhaling loudly. Saying her name felt like gasping when I awoke from nightmares.
"Oh my love," she said, wiping tears from my cheeks. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, baby. I will spend eternity making this up to you." Now I was confused. Surely I should be able to understand my own hallucinations. "Please understand, I had to go."
"What?" I asked stupidly.
Her brows furrowed. "Can we talk about this at home? I only came here because I didn't know if you had moved..." Shouldn't my Emily delusion know where I lived? She lived in my brain for Christ's sake. I stood up, despondent. This was a welcome change. Despondency was normal, familiar. I had been a zombie for four months. Her fingers lightly traced over the scratches down my arms from my own nails, her tongue clicking in disapproval. "Y/n!" she said insistently, pulling me out of my stupor.
