I Had That Dream Again

"Just pull me out, the pain is great
The pain of losing you today."
~ Sia 'Midnight Decisions'.

I had that dream again. That dream where I whispered "Stay."  You took my hands instead and guided them through the photo album. Our photo album.

Sixteen: Hello world! We're coming for you. 

Fifteen: You love me. That will always be enough.

Fourteen: Broken me. All I see is you.

Thirteen: "How time flies," You laughed.

Twelve: I am unsteady, you ground me.

Eleven: High school dark holes. You learn to navigate through.

Ten: The strongest I'll ever need. That's you.

Nine: A death I didn't understand. You hold on still.

Eight: Dad's gone. What next?

Seven: God! We were so young. Oh, so young.

Six: Barbies don't bite.

Five: I am not a princess. You are not a princess. Yet, we are beautiful.

Four: For the love of chocolates, candies and Mamas.

Three: Big steps. Coherent words.

Two: Cheeky grins. Beautiful smiles.

One: It's me and you against the world!

I had that dream again. That dream where you whispered "Live."  I lived. But you didn't. And now, I keep breathing without you. The thought of not being with you in the end was a thought that never crossed. Guess it happened nonetheless.

Everyone knows how hurtful it is to lose a friend, but no one teaches you how to unfriend a friend. And in some sort of weird ways, I wish I could make you stay...I wish I could stop the loss and sufferings. I wish I had known better, seen better. Scratch that, I should have known better.

I don't wish to see you again, but I do wish that, somehow, perhaps through whispers, my words reach you.

I'm sorry I never get to say "I'm sorry." 

I love you, Phoenix. Always have, always will.