Carpe Omnia - cash au -

Seize It All

Nash POV

Life has been crazy for me. Ever since I graduated from college I transitioned immediately to playing professional Lacrosse. Being the captain for 3 and 1/2 years of a team who won back to back championships made me a prime candidate for the U.S Lacrosse team. I'm back to being a so-called rookie but I don't mind it.

I've moved back home but not with my mom, I have my own apartment in the city and I have to say that it's pretty nice. I love it. I've kept in touch with most of my friends from high school mainly the Jacks and Matt but I do talk to Taylor and Shawn occasionally. I haven't spoken to Cameron since that horrible day that he broke up with me. I heard from Matt that he actually started dating Aaron not too long after the end of our relationship and to be honest that just put salt on my wounds. I can't believe I meant so little to him and he meant the world to me.

After finding that out I never asked how he was doing again. I deleted his number from my phone and I took him off of all of my social media accounts. I never would have healed if I had his happiness without me shoved in my face. I still love him, I can't deny it, he will always be the love of my life but I have come to terms with the fact that we weren't meant to be together.

I'm visiting my mom today and I pray that I don't run into Cameron I'm not even sure if he lives there still but I don't even know if I'll be able to control myself if I ever ran into him. I still love him so fucking much and I miss him everyday.

I arrive at my mom's house and I have a new car, it kind of looks out of place next to my mom's old suv and my old Camaro that I gave to Hayes once I signed with the team and got my signing bonus. It's strange to be young and be considered a millionaire but honestly, I worked hard for it. I gave up so much to play Lacrosse and I lost the love of my life because of it so I think I deserve to reap the benefits of my sacrifices.

I enter the house and I find my mom in the kitchen with Cameron's mother, I'm surprised to see her because my mom didn't mention anything about her coming over.

"Hey, mom." I greet her softly and she turns with a wide smile on her face.

"Hi, my city boy," she says and comes over to give me a hug. I smile because I really have missed her. When she pulls away I wave at Gina,Cameron's mom but she comes over to me and give me a hug too.

"What's with the waving business, you're family!" She exclaims and I hug her back tightly. I always loved Gina, she was always so supportive of Cameron and I. I pull away and she returns to helping my mom cook dinner.

"I'll head up to my room to see if I left anything behind, mom. Just let me know when dinner is ready, yeah?" I ask her and she nods at me, I head up to my room and when I open it a wave of nostalgia hits me full force. I can almost picture Cameron and I kissing on my bed, I can almost imagine us cuddling like we always did and talking for hours about anything.

Fuck, I miss him so much.

I let out a ragged breath and I sit down on the bed and place my face in my hands. Sometimes it just hits so hard and the pain feels so fresh like it happened yesterday instead of 3 years ago. I lie back on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. I suddenly want to know how Cameron is, I want to know what he's doing with his life. I'm so tempted to go downstairs and pull Gina aside and ask her about him.

I take out my C chain from underneath my shirt, I added the ring to the chain after we broke up but I never stopped wearing it. He's probably lost his, or maybe it's at the bottom of a drawer forgotten and unused.

I sit back up and I start going through my things. I find so many pictures of us and our friends, we were so happy. I know we could have made it if Cameron had put the same effort that I did. It still hurts to think that I was stifling him, that he lost himself because of me.

I can't bring myself to get rid of the pictures so I place them in the box of things that I'm taking back to my apartment. Out of the corner of my eye I see movement in Cameron's room. I can see his silhouette and just knowing that he's so close to me sends my heart racing and my palms get sweaty. I stand and close the curtains, I can't start to obsess over him anymore. It's not healthy.

I blink rapidly as my eyes start to water and I don't want to cry, it's been 3 goddamn years, why does he affect me so much?

I compose myself and finish gathering the things I'm taking back to my apartment. I look around my room with a small smile on my face, I can't deny this room has amazing memories. I haven't been able to go to the cabin since we broke up, that's too painful but I pay for the upkeep because it's too gorgeous up there to give it up. One day when I find the person who was meant for me, I'll take him up there and I'll make new memories with him.

"It's really nostalgic being back isn't it?"

I turn at the voice that I've been dreaming about for the last 3 years.

Cameron.

He's leaning against the doorway and he looks so fucking good, I can't deny it. He's wearing his hair short and in a quiff, he's dressed simply jeans and a white t-shirt but they hug his muscles tightly and he's so desirable.

He's checking me out just like I did with him. I'm wearing my hair pretty long, I love it like that and I know Cameron liked it like that as well.

"Yeah, I guess it is." I reply quietly as I look around my room. When I look back at Cameron he's chewing on his lip, he always did that when he had something to say but was unsure if he should say it or not.

I don't know if I want to hear what he has to say so I pick up the box and brush past Cameron to put it in my car before dinner. After I put it in my trunk and I lean against my car and take in a deep breath. I command my heart to stop racing, I run my hand through my hair and it's trembling.

"Fuck..." I murmur and I startled again by Cameron who approaches me once more. Is he trying to torture me?

"You... changed your number," he says softly and I nod at him because I did change it a about a year ago. Somehow my number was leaked and random people, fans of the Lacrosse team, started calling me. It got annoying pretty quickly so I had to change it.

"I tried calling you and the person who picked up was not you, they told me they just got that phone number," he explains and I really don't know where he's going with all of this. He's the one who stopped communicating with me, he was so cruel to me at the end of our relationship. He made me feel unloved and unwanted, as if I was a pest that he couldn't get rid of. It was a huge blow to my self-esteem.

He shifts awkwardly when I glance at him. My heart is racing again and I hate that he can affect me so much still. I feel like some lovesick fool.

"Yeah, I had to change it," I reply and I don't give him anymore information. The truth is, I'm just waiting for the right moment to excuse myself from the conversation before I throw myself at his feet and beg him to take me back.

"Nash..." He says quietly and his tone of voice causes me to look at him. He's looking at me with those golden brown eyes that I still love so much and he steps closer to me. "Breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of my life. I don't... I don't know what the hell I was thinking."

I stare at him with wide eyes. Is he really saying what I think he's saying.

"I still love you," he says softly and my heart drops.

A/n- thoughts on the first chapter?