VV
I stood in front of the full-length mirror, staring at the woman in the reflection. She looked like me, but not quite. The clothes felt weird, a tight-fitting dress that hugged my body in a way I wasn't used to. The soft, pastel color, the lace trim, and the way it shimmered under the light. It wasn't me. It was Celestine.
Ang maid, na tahimik na pumasok habang ako'y nagmumuni-muni, ay naglagay ng isang mabigat na coat sa aking balikat. "The boss wants you to look your best," she said flatly. Her eyes were dull, as if this was just another task, another day in the mansion where nothing ever seemed to change. Para silang mga robot na inuutusan lamang.
Hindi ko masyadong naintindihan ang mga salita niya. Nasa ibang mundo ang isip ko. Nasa loob ako ng bahay na ito ng ilang araw na, pilit na pinipilit na gampanan ang isang papel na hindi ko nauunawaan. Ang pagkakakilanlan ko ay unti-unting nawawala sa bawat sandali. Ang babae na nagsabing siya na ngayon ang aking ina ay ibinigay sa akin ang mga patakaran ng buhay na ito.Mga patakarang malinaw na nagsasabi na kailangan kong manatili sa loob at magkunwaring ako si Celestine.
Hindi ako pinapayagang lumabas ng mansion, hindi man lang upang makakita ng araw. Ang mga kwarto ay marangya, ang mga kasangkapan ay kasing-puti ng ospital. Pero mayroong kakaibang pakiramdam sa lugar na ito. Ang katahimikan, ang kawalan ng laman.
"Dito ka lang, sa kwarto ni Celestine. Kailangan mong kumilos na parang siya, magsalita na parang siya. Walang makakaalam ng totoo," sabi niya ng may malamig na ngiti. "Huwag mong kakalimutan, hindi ka pwedeng lumabas. Walang nakakaalam sa mundo na ikaw ay buhay pa. Not even your Sister Janette."
Ang mansion ay naging isang hawla na may ginto. Walang mga bintana upang makita ang labas, walang mga pinto na pwedeng takasan. Ang mga tao lang na nakikita ko ay mga tauhan—mga maid, mga kusinero, mga guwardiya—na hindi tumitingin sa akin, hindi ako kinakausap maliban kung kailangan. Ang mga iba pang miyembro ng "pamilya," na nagsabing sila ang bago kong pamilya, ay hindi lumalapit, maliban na lang kung oras na para ako'y magkunwari.
They trained me but I feel like they were rules that I need to erase. Every morning, maids brought me papers and books on how to talk and how to act. How to act like Celestine, every move that they thought me until I was slowly becoming her.
Nag-aaksaya ako ng mga oras araw-araw sa harap ng salamin, nagsasanay, nire-rehearse, hanggang sa ang tunay na ako ay halos isang alaala na lang.
"Celestine," sabi ng babae isang gabi, ang tono niya ay malamig. "You're coming with us at a charity event this weekend. Nandiyan ka sa tabi namin, ngumingiti, kumakaway at maging perpekto."
Perpekto. Ang salitang iyon ay umuukit sa isipan habang ako'y nakaupo sa gilid ng kama, ang mga kamay ko na nakalapat sa aking mga hita. Wala akong magawa kundi maghintay. Walang trabaho na kailangang gawin, walang paraan palabas. Ang mansion ay naging bilangguan ko, at habang patagal nang patagal, mas lalapit ako sa isang katotohanan na hindi ko kayang tumakas.
Napatingin ako sa mga damit, mga accessories, ang luho na nakapaligid sa akin. Sandali kong nalamdaman na makahinga ulit. Pero pagkatapos, napagtanto ko: Hindi ako pwedeng maging ako. I am a replacement of a life I can't even choose.
The day of the charity event came quickly. The whole house was busy, with servants rushing around to get everything ready. The mansion was full of flowers, and bright chandeliers hung from the ceiling. Everything had to be perfect. And I had to be perfect.
I stood in front of the mirror again, my heart beating fast. The dress I was wearing was a deep red, long and shiny. It was decorated with beads that sparkled in the light. My hair was styled in soft waves and pinned back with a clip. I felt the weight of the expectations on me.
"Celestine," a voice called from the door. I turned and saw the woman standing there. Her face was calm, but her eyes were cold. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.
"Yes, Mother?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady and trying to make it sound like it was her daughter, Celestine.
She stepped into the room, walking towards me, her heels clicking on the floor. She stopped in front of me, looking me over like I was a doll she had bought.
"You look fine," she said, her tone cold. "But remember, this isn't just a party. You need to show everyone you can take Celestine's place. You have to be perfect." She pressed a finger on my back, forcing me to straighten up.
I nodded, my throat dry. She looked at me for a moment, then spoke again, her voice softer now, but still cold.
"Do your best tonight, Celestine," she said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "And who knows... if you impress me enough, I might let you out at night to look for a job."
I stopped, shocked by her words. A job? I hadn't thought about that in days. I had been trapped here, pretending to be Celestine, and the idea of finding a way out felt like a dream that was slipping away.
"But—" I started to say, but she raised her hand to stop me.
"No buts," she said firmly. "If you want to prove you can be free, show me tonight. Prove that you can be Celestine. If you do, maybe I'll let you look for a job. But don't get too comfortable. The world outside doesn't care about you."
Her words made my chest tighten.
"Yes, Mother," I whispered.
She smiled thinly, like she was happy I had accepted it. "Good. Now go downstairs and join the others. Don't disappoint me."
I nodded, feeling my heart sink as I walked to the door. I could hear the soft music and voices of the guests downstairs. They were waiting for Celestine. They were waiting for me.
The ballroom was buzzing with laughter and music. Guests in glittering gowns and sharp suits moved gracefully around the room, clinking glasses and exchanging looks. The soft glow from the crystal chandeliers made the place feel almost too perfect, but too cold.
I stood by the edge of the room, doing my best to blend in. My smile felt tight, my movements stiff as I tried to act like Celestine. My mother instructed me to stay still, to be seen and not heard.
Habang nakatayo ako roon, isang lalaki ang nakahuli ng atensyon ko. He accidentally looked at me with those sharp eyes. Napatingin ako sa kanya ng mabilis. Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Bakit niya ako tinitingnan ng ganoon? Mabilis akong tumingin sa ibang direksyon at pinilit maging kalmado.
Nagpatuloy ako sa pagpapanggap, ngumingiti sa mga tao sa paligid ko, pinipilit magmukhang natural kahit na ang mga mata ko ay patuloy na naglalakbay pabalik sa kanya. Pero hindi siya lumapit.
Ilang sandali pa, napansin ko na tumalikod siya at nawala sa mata ko. Siguro ay iniwasan lang niya o baka hindi siya interesado.
