we are flowers {cake au}

chapter 20; gone (march 16)

i'm losing to you, baby i'm no match
i'm going numb, i've been hijacked
it's a fucking drag
i taste you on my lips and i can't get rid of you
so i say damn your kiss and the awful things you do
nicotine; panic! at the disco

★ calum ★
"hi. so here it goes. this is luke, obviously. i have so much to say. that's why i called, i didn't want to write this all out. plus i figured that leaving you a voicemail is the closest thing i'll get to saying everything face to face." luke pauses, as if he's searching for the right words. calum hears the shuffling of papers, and maybe luke is searching for the right words, maybe he wrote a script so he can say everything and get it right.

"well. we really messed up, calum," he says, breathy, amused, pathetic, broken. "both of us. i can't give you the full blame for us being so separated right now, it's so my fault. i won't give full blame where full blame is not due. i mean, yeah, you royally fucked up. you did the worst thing you could possibly do to me, calum. you know, i'd have liked it better if you would've brutally murdered me. that would have felt nicer. but yeah, like i said, that's not really the reason we're like this now," luke says, and then he hesitates. he breathes a shaky breath, as if to reassure himself. calum can feel his anxiety seep through the phone into himself and he misses comforting his scared luke.

"it's hard because i know it's my fault, too. i kept trying to blame you for everything, but i was wrong. you know, i pushed you so far away that it became impossible to reconnect, and then i had a fit when we were no longer good. i pushed you away, and then i tried to replace you. harry-he's nice. he's nice to touch and nice to talk to-" calum's heart has a jealous twinge that he is embarrassed of. "-he has really good eyes, and he has this dumb, slow voice, which is very comforting. he also gets what i'm like. ya know, he knows i'm... depressed? yeah, he saw it. harry's a real sweetheart, but he's no you. what i really want to say about harry is- calum, i'm sorry that i put on a show. i knew you'd be looking so i ate spaghetti with him a lot and i was always a lot louder than i should have been..." luke trails off and that's it. that's where he breaks down. calum can't handle the small, distant sobs and sounds of broken-heartedness luke is making. he feels like someone just ripped out his stitches when his wound was so close to healing.

luke chokes on a sob and takes a few deep breaths and then he says, "i can't wrap my fucking head around the fact that we had a thing so good and we lost it too fucking quickly. i-" his voice cracks with just one syllable, and that's where calum breaks down, too. "-i fucking love you, calum. i know that's wrong to say right now, all things considered, but it's true. i know you feel sort of alone right now so if you needed to hear it it, there it is. i love you."

there is a long, torturous pause. calum wishes luke could be right in front of him. "i love you, too," he whispers, though he knows it won't change a thing.

"i thought about so much in the past four months. i think it's best for me if i leave. i've ended things with harry. he's sort of upset about me going, but he agrees that it would greatly benefit me. i won't be going to live with my father, i'll be going to new york. actually, depending on when you hear this, i could already be in new york. and calum, i want you to know, i don't regret a single day i spent with you. you're so special. and as for me, i'll be okay. i'll make friends, i'll get a cool job that i love, and i'll heal. please don't think about me. don't call, don't text, just delete my number all together. let me go." hearing this, calum wants to curl up into a ball of nothingness and wither away into even more nothingness. he wants to walk a mile in burning hot coals, that would be easier than forgetting luke. "meet some cute boy-or girl-and fall in love and forget about me." luke is crying so hard and calum wants to aparate to wherever the fuck luke is and hug him and kiss him and love him. "goodbye, calum."

the line is dead. the call is over. calum's hand remains holding his phone up to his ear for many minutes, processing every fucking word he just heard from his dearly beloved. he's frozen, until he throws his phone on his bed-he can somewhat think lucidly-and punches the wall.

why does calum care? luke is the worst person ever. he's so selfish and stupid and he purposefully made calum jealous.

"i hate him. i hate him, i hate him, i hate him, i hate him."

luke is so gone.

· 。* 。· 。* 。·

luke is so gone at first, but after five months, calum learns to forget.

the whole in his heart is filled. filled with school, work, friends, family, girlfriends. there's still a little space left, a space that calum knows will always be left open. the only thing that can fill that void is long gone. he doesn't need it filled.

* * *

ok the italics is Luke over the phone if you did not get that
yes so Luke has moved! what a brat. I'm mad but I'm also glad bc maybe this will be good for him??? (ha jk I know how it ends!!!!)

also 1K reads! almost 100 votes! close to almost 100 comments! thanks guys <3 ok yep keep up the good work of voting and commenting :-) TELL YOUR FRIENDS omg say "yo I am reading this superb book on wattpad calling 'we are flowers' you should TOTALLY check it out"

come on people it is coming to a close and I want to go out with a bang!!!!!!

ok ily

-m 💘