Warnings: self harm
I'll warn you with this sign: ⚠️
but please don't read it if it triggers you, there's a lot in here
please stay safe <3
Bucky's POV:
Why can't Steve be gay? Or pan? Or bi? Or just something except for straight? I've been in love with this innocent boy for so long and now I've lost him forever. You say I'm being dramatic? Well you don't see him with his girlfriend right now, don't you? He's laughing about something she said and looks genuinely happy. Why am I such a loser? I waited too long, just because I'm a fucking wimp. He also started spending less time with me. But I started spending time with...- Oh wait right, I have no one. Lovely, just lovely. He's way too perfect for me. Kind, strong, hot. And what am I? A serial killer, an experiment, a monster. Why am I like this? Why can't I just be normal? Why can't I just enjoy my life and forget about my past? I hate myself. I literally hate myself.
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And I sadly found a way to to release the stress. I'm not proud of it. Definitely not. But I can't stop. Sometimes it's just too much. And I can't help myself. The red blood trickling down my real arm. The physical pain replacing the mental pain. The numbing feeling. Pure emptiness in my head when I press the blade down. The exhaustion. The need to punish myself for being such a loser. Nobody knows about this. Not even Steve. I don't want anybody's pity.
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Steve's POV:
Why can't Bucky be gay? Or pan? Or bi? Or just something except for straight? I've been in love with this fearless, protective man for so long but I'm sure he doesn't like me back. So I'm trying to move on. But it just doesn't work. When I'm on a date I'm thinking about how it would feel if Bucky would sit opposite me. When I kiss my girlfriend, how it would feel to kiss Buck. I may look happy with her but I know she's not right for me. But I can't break up with her. I don't want to. She looks so happy. So free. I can't destroy that, even if it's hurting me. If I just knew how Bucky feels.
3rd person's POV:
Neither of them did know that Wanda was training her powers and accidentally read their minds. And maybe made it to her very own quest to bring the two together and to make Buck stop cutting himself. And she already has an idea... How about that... she transfers every thought they have about each other into the others head? Or when Bucky feels low that Steve hears his thoughts? We will see how it will work out...
Steve's POV, 1 week later:
"He's beautiful... And I'm a monster." Who said that? What the hell did I just hear? Am I crazy? I'm alone in my room. Nobody's in here... "But he has a girlfriend and he's definitely not gay..." I...- What the hell?? Am I out of my mind? What's going on? And why does this voice kind of sound familiar? If this is some weird game Wanda is playing with me, I will kill her. Why not ask her? Let's just go. But wait if she says no she'll probably sends me directly to a psychologist. That's not worth the risk. Maybe I'm just tired. If I hear this voice again then I'll think more about it. But why did they sound so sad? And why did they say they are a monster? And why the hell do I want to hear them again? Just to know that they are ok? I only know one person who once said that they were a monster and I didn't like it at all. It was Buck,...
Bucky's POV:
"...a loving, caring man. Nobody is a monster. As soon as somebody regrets it they are definitely not a monster for me. Because then they have potential to get better." Who the hell said that? Are you fucking kidding me right now? I'm a monster, stupid and useless and now I'm crazy? I'm hearing voices talking about "nobody is a monster and blah blah" but nobody is in the room? Isn't it enough that...
Steve's POV:
"... I already hate myself? Does my fucking mind needs to play tricks on right now?" LaNgUaGe! Why do they do this to them self? I don't think that I'm imagining that anymore. It seems way too real. And if would be a joke from Wanda she'd already told me. It has to be another person's thoughts about them self and someone they love. The voice, which I don't hear clear, the language, the structure of the sentences... they seem incredibly familiar. And it bugs me so much that I don't know from where I know this voice. Maybe... when I think about it.... Maybe I can send them a message back? Let's try. Maybe if I focus on a sentence and try do make it as clear as possible.... "You should...
