𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 || AvNeil One Shot

Thoughts

In search of an identity,in search of a family, In search of happiness-that was Avni Ayesha. Always. She traveled to so much ways,only to be disappointed at the end.

She was a strong woman,began as a broken girl. She was the queen who turned her pain into power. She was the sister who blindly trusted her brother,when he was cheating her with his fake love. She was the daughter in law who always loved them,even when they always insulted her. She was the wife who gladly accepted her husband's past and his child. She was the woman who smiled,with a broken heart. She was the woman who leaved them for their safety. She was the woman who chose to live for others when they hurted her.

Where is she now?

Did the pain broke her completely?

Why can't she turn her pain into power now?

She's lost. Somewhere. In her thoughts.

Heart breaks,Tear strains on her each birthday,Curses and Insanity of the society--she's used to all these,that she hated herself.

She was happy when she was with him. She was lost when she wasn't with him. She smiled for him. She cried when he wasn't with him. She trusted him. Or maybe,that's the reason she's grieving now.

Breaking her trust was like,breaking a beautiful mirror. Once it's broken,It's broken. It can either change into a broken self,or a dangerous object.

But she chose to keep it as a broken self only. Not that she dont want to,but she doesn't have the courage,or maybe scared now. Scared if she hurts them,or they hurts her with their vengeance words.

But now,she lost it. She know there's no reason for her existence now. Nothing essential to live now. This was what this world always thought about her--an illegitimate, curse,Bad omen,bad blood.

She understood,the society is right. His lawyer proved it right. That proof which made her embarassed by her own existence. What is the need to live now?

Neil will get married to Mitali and the whole Khanna family will accept her,eventually. And she know,Neil's lawyer will get mowgli by hook or crook,and he too,maybe get used to Mitali that he'll forget her.

Then what is the need of her?what is the need of her to be alive and live a life with guilt,hurt and Insanity?

Standing on the edge of that cliff,the only witness of their beautiful journey,she thought,what does she have to look forward? Nothing. A burden of herself.

A few more steps and she would reach down. A steps away,death was waiting for her. What required for that was a little courage which she has been preserving since a long time. She imagined what people would say,"Oh,poor girl. She never faced happiness. What else she has to leave when she lost her only son also?" Someone would pity her. Someone would join the society,'It was good that she died herself. She was a stigma in the society. No one would value such blood.' Or, 'she cheated him. Poor Neil. He lost five years of his sons life just because he married a bad omen.'

But how would it matter once sue was dead? Nothing can hurt her then? Would anyone feel sorry for her? Would anyone miss her? Her Prakash papa would shed a few tears,and eventually he'll get along with his life,same applies with bebe. Shwetha and Mitali would be happy. After all,the main obstacle in their life is no more. Mowgli would have Neil. He would forget her.
And Neil? He would feel relieved once she is gone? Or would he feel guilty? Would he feel the pain? No. He'll be happy. He's the one who approached Mitali with the proposal when he found Avni alive. He's already moved on.

Her mind is made up now. But her legs did not left the place she was standing. It was not fear. It was something else. Some unseen power holding her back.

She thought about the society, Shweta and Mitali. They did the worst to hurt her. Even neil did. They'll be happy,and no one will ever try to bring her justice. In beauty,kindness,in and out,Avni is far more better than Mitali and this orthodox society, yet,some unappealing words like illegitimate and bad omen tagged upon her is making her do this. Can she lose the fight easily? No,she's a warrior. A warrior made from tears of blood. It was not fair. It was not her fault that she was born before her parents marriage. It was not her fault that her father did not had the courage to look upon her. It was not her fault that Juhi came to their life. It was not her fault that she left the family. Then why should she give up? Why should she die then?

She had finally discovered,love only gave her pain. Not that she dont love Neil anymore,but he already broke her trust. He hurted her when she always saved him from the hands of death. Neil was also at fault,isn't he? Then why is not people blaming him and making them understand and build their relationship back rather than snatching her son? This society is at fault and surely she was always right.

The girl whom everyone tagged as illegitimate,bad blood was always right.

God gifted her life. Her Ayesha ma did not conceived her inside her for 9 months to let her die. Her Neela ma did not brought her up to just fail to the unbelievable society.

When she thought for herself. This is her life. That is not to die for someone's Taunts. When did she became that much weak?

Suddenly she felt shame that she decided to give up.

God gave her reasons to live. Even when she was away from Neil,he gave her Neav. And whether Neav will be with her or not,as long as she is living,God will give her another reason to live.

Avni's thoughts were racing. She began to feel uncomfortable with her thoughts. Death is not the answer to their Taunts and questions. She shall let them see how she will live. That should be the answer.

What would happen if she jumps of won't die. She maybe crippled for a lifetime.

And hence,Death can't solve her problems.

She should live to solve her problems and rise up like a Phoenix. Life is waiting for her. Maybe she can enjoy it.

The sun rays awakened her thoughts. She looked at the crimson son,just rising up. His rays letting everywhere beautiful. When she looked at the nature keenly,life had given her a new meaning to live. The sun had rised higher; There were numerous wild flowers getting ready to blossom; birds were flying out of their nests for food. Life felt more beautiful.

She gave the nature a smile and big a breath. She took her step back,and walked,still that charming smile on her lips.

She saw him,his eyes had guilt. But she cared less. She walked past him. Her heart rambled, Give me the courage to live,no matter what.

He saw her eyes enlighten with the power of courage. He felt the old Avni near him,the Avni who is not his anymore...

..

Fine, I know I've been writing so much things about that 10 years leap,because Avni never got justice and I don't know what I meant by writing this. This is a thought that rose up in my mind and I'll unpublish it later maybe :)