"Why would you still continue to carry that child in your womb? Crystal is already sick and you could barely pay for her medications. Abort that, you know you could not afford to give birth to that child." Crystal was peeking through the divider in their living room, looking straight to her Grandmother that's shouting in front of her crying Mom. It torn her to pieces, hearing those words and seeing the tears fall down from her Mom's eyes.
"Mama, I heard Grandma say bad things about my little sister." Fe, the mother, looked at her daughter and almost broke down when she saw the blank expression on her daughter's face. "Why would she say those words to you? Isn't she happy that I'll be having a baby sister?"
"Your Grandma did not mean to say those things. Go to sleep now, we're going to the doctor tomorrow." She held her daughter's face and kissed her forehead. "Get well soon, baby. Promise Mama, that you will be healed." Crystal smiled at her Mom and nodded though she wanted to say that only God knows if she will be healed.
April 14, 2005
"Mrs. Reyes, we would like to give Crystal the fifth sacrament if you would allow us." Fe cannot hold back her tears as she was shaking her head to say no. But Crystal held her hand and said, "Stop crying Mama, every one of us will be going back to God's paradise. Please let them anoint me." Her body shaking with fear, was guided by Mar, her husband, back to standing straight as the priest and nuns started executing the fifth sacrament to their beloved daughter.
I cannot accept it. God, what did I do to make my daughter suffer like this? I really don't want to lose her, my Lord. Fe kept crying in front of the altar in the hospital. It must've hurt so much to witness the body of her daughter slowly giving up.
April 29, 2005 - 11:45 P.M.
"Stop giving me those injections! Your medicines are not working on me!"
April 30, 2005 - 03:52 A.M.
"Mama, I want to drink milk."
"Ma, Pa, let's all drink milk from this glass."
"Thank you Mama. Thank you Papa."
"Papa, I want to poop."
"Please clean me properly."
"Mama, please get out and call Mommy Thess."
April 30, 2005 - 05:20 A.M.
"I'm going to die, Papa."
"I love you so much."
"Please don't cry. Be strong. Tell Mama to never abort my baby sister."
April 30, 2005 - 05:47 A.M.
"My heart hurts so much Papa. I love you."
I could see my daughter holding onto her Papa's shirt while her heart was aching. She looked at me and smiled and raised her fingers. 1 1. She gave me a number before God took her back to His paradise.
"Time of death, 6:00 A.M. I'm sorry for your loss, Mr. and Mrs. Reyes."
My world stopped when Crystal died. She was a brave little girl. She was diagnosed with stage 3 lupus on November 2004, and from then on, her fever came back and forth. We had no money. My husband only gets paid with a minimum wage. I was pregnant when I lost my eldest daughter. Few days after she died, I saw a notebook with letters and notes from Crystal.
"Dear Diary. Mama will be giving birth after a few months now. I think it's still her second month right now. Hehehe. I'm so excited to meet my baby brother or my baby sister. This is the best Christmas gift I've ever received in my whole life. If I will have a baby sister, I will name her Sophia Niña Reyes. And if it's a baby brother, I will name him Charms Niño Reyes."
"Dear Diary. I feel so sick right now, but I will fight because I still want to meet my baby sister. Yes, it's a girl!!!"
I broke down upon reading all the contents in her notebook. I miss you, Crystal.
July 11, 2005 - 9:00 A.M.
"I'm going to Doctor Bonifacio for my check up right now."
July 11, 2005 - 11:30 A.M.
"You're not going home anymore. Tell your sister to come here with the necessities of the baby. I'll operate on you today."
"Can't this wait until 16? I want my child to be born on 16, just like her sister."
"Yeah if you want your kid to grow up eating her bowel."
July 11, 2005 - 05:00 P.M.
"We will be inhecting anesthesia to numb your body so you won't feel any pain. Don't worry, you won't be put to sleep."
July 11, 2005 - 06:00 P.M.
"Welcome to the world, Sophia Niña!"
"What a beautiful little girl."
"Wait. What's that smell?"
"Why does she smell like a corpse?"
"Is she alive?"
"Why isn't she crying?"
"Doc, make her cry."
At April 30, at exactly 6 in the morning I lost Crystal. She gave me the number 11 before she finally went home to God's arms. And now, July 11, at exactly 6 in the evening, I gave birth to Sophia. At the exact time I gave birth to my second born, my husband flew to Africa to get a job.
Alone and cold, I felt alive upon hearing Sophia's little cry. I'm scared, Lord. Please make her healthy. You know how dark these past few months were for me upon losing Crystal. Please make Sophia normal. Please, God.
My vision slowly faded and all I could think about is praying that I would still be able to carry Sophia and raise her.
