The Chronicles of Navin: Journey to the promised land

Chapter 4: Meet the she-Beast and her equally evil spawn.

What has 2 horns, sharp claws, hairy legs, poor eyesight, an overweight body and a very, very, VERY unpleasant attitude?

N̶O̶.̶ ̶I̶t̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶c̶y̶c̶l̶o̶p̶s̶.̶.̶.̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶ ̶m̶o̶n̶s̶t̶e̶r̶.̶.̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶s̶t̶.̶.̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶b̶i̶n̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶r̶e̶e̶.̶ ̶B̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶c̶l̶o̶s̶e̶.̶ ̶

The correct answer:

̶M̶i̶r̶a̶n̶d̶a̶ ̶P̶h̶a̶t̶t̶.̶ ̶

Just incase you're wondering who the u̶g̶l̶y̶ Miranda is, she is my step mom. My alcoholic step mom.

I just call her Miranda. Not 'mommy' or 'mom' not even 'Auntie'. I̶m̶ ̶s̶o̶r̶r̶y̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶t̶r̶i̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶s̶p̶e̶c̶t̶f̶u̶l̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶d̶i̶d̶.̶ ̶B̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶C̶A̶N̶T̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶o̶m̶a̶n̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶l̶i̶g̶h̶t̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶c̶l̶u̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶d̶a̶d̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶d̶ h̶e̶r̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶i̶r̶s̶t̶ ̶p̶l̶a̶c̶e̶!̶!̶ ̶

S̶h̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶v̶e̶r̶y̶ ̶u̶g̶l̶y̶

S̶h̶e̶'̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶d̶e̶o̶u̶s̶

(I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶ ̶p̶i̶c̶t̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶.̶.̶ ̶B̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶d̶o̶n̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶n̶a̶ ̶g̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶a̶t̶t̶a̶c̶k̶.̶)

She is a very nice woman and my step brother Lucas i̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶f̶a̶t̶t̶i̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶s̶m̶e̶l̶l̶s̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶r̶o̶t̶t̶e̶n̶ ̶c̶a̶b̶b̶a̶g̶e̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶n̶s̶.̶ ̶ is a very nice brother as well.

(Incase you haven't noticed I'm having trouble being as nice as possible here. If you are wondering whats up with all the crossed out words, well its because Miranda saw me writing on this notebook and yelled at me for jotting bad things about her then forced me to write good things instead. And now that i have my personal space back, I'm gonna diss her some more. Leave it to that she-beast to ruin a perfectly good chapter of my life story.)

Okay, don't get me wrong. I love my dad. He's probably one of the nicest guys you will ever meet. But sometimes I cant help but think he's an idiot for hooking up with MIRANDA FAT. (Yeah Fat, Phatt. You get the pun.) And for giving me a stupid name. Sometimes I cant help but think that he was drunk the time he named me Navin. Either that or he overdosed on wine.

Miranda was nice the first 11 seconds of my encounter with her, but showed her true evil witchiness (replace the 'w' with 'b') the minute dad turned his back around. She and her son Lucas would always threaten me and boss me around whenever dad isn't looking.

And now, that dad is well--not with us anymore, they forced me to live with that witch.

WORST MISTAKE EVER MADE.

Miranda, Lucas and I... well we NEVER get along.... The way they treated me... The way Lucas and I fight... Well, when I came home is a good example.

The moment I step on our doorstep, I know that she's gonna scream at me again. She always blames me for whatever shit I didn't do.

Cat broke the vase? Blame Navin

Lucas spills his grape soda all over the kitchen table? Blame Navin

I bet if a bird poops on her head, she'd find a way to blame me too.

I thanked the delivery guy for giving me a lift. (His name is actually Hank, His favorite color is blue and he has a wife named Elicia and a daughter named Emily which he wouldn't stop blabbing about. He also mentioned that he has a long lost son whose name I cant remember. Yeah.... We got kinda bored on our way that he ended up talking to me about his life which honestly, I dont give a damn about... Its a long story.)