Still Waiting

Three Words

I have always wondered why you don't treat me the same as my siblings. It's something that continually plagues my brain. I have longed for so long for you to tell me those three words. The same three words I once heard you tell my brother and sister, but not me. Why didn't you say them to me? I have tried so hard to be the child that you could be proud of but nothing seems to work. I used to be top of my class always getting awards but you didn't give the attention that I wanted. The attention I longed and wished for. I've always felt like I wasn't enough. Do you know how sad it is to feel like you aren't enough for your mom. Yeah I've always had my fathers love, but what about my mothers. You were never there when I needed you the most. I have had to deal with hard times without my mother. Sure you were there but you weren't really there, not for me at least. You want to know something that I learned all on my own. I learned that I am enough. I learned that yes I have depression and anxiety, but that doesn't define me. My grades don't define me. I know that I am smart, I'm just tired. I'm tired of trying so hard to be enough for you that I ended up losing myself in the process. Whenever I would do something I would be doing it for you. That's not the right way to live. You can't live your life for someone else. This is my life and I'm going to do the most about it. So what if I don't have the best grades. So what if I have anxiety and depression. I will get through this. Everyone goes through hard times but I know I will get better. Everyone eventually does. I am now able to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel that is my mind. I don't need anyone. I never have. I never really relied on you because you weren't there. I was on my own, and although I wish you were there for me I learned that I am an independent person. The only person that I need to live for is me and if you don't want to be a part of my life while I work on getting better I won't judge you, but I am done living for you. As I write this just picture the little girl who is still waiting to hear those three words. "I love you".