A new beginning

I'm moving on. I used to think that I would never be able to get out of the ditch I fell in. And really I didn't, I had help & I'm glad I did. I was a sobbing mess when by myself, but then I had to plaster a fake smile on when around others. Yeah I might have told some people, some things here & there, but really no one knew how bad it was for me.

I thought that I was in love, that I would be happy forever & then came the heart ache. I would lay in bed blaming myself for everything, then I would cry myself to sleep thinking I had nothing to live for. And trust me, many people found it there place to make sure I knew that. Yeah my friends would comfort me, saying things like, "It wasn't your fault," or "He the douche bag, not you." But really nothing could match the pain I was in.

So I just decided to live with it, live with the fact that even then, he still took my breath away. I still felt like I had a chance, but really never did anything about it. But then when he asked me out again & I feel like my heart has been mended, it goes off dates a girl for 2 days, then has the decency to break up with me. (I meant 'it')

I didn't cry, I did get hurt & felt worthless, but that night I realized he wasn't worth my tears. Yeah it still stung when it hit me & yeah I tried to make the pain go away & I thought of just ending it all, but really I couldn't, I wouldn't. I wasn't going to die or hurt myself because of him being an asshole. All this time I've found reasons to make me to blame, but now i'm not gonna do that, you hurt me & it's your fault.

And now present day, I'm good, well, haven't cut, yeah thought of ending it, but at least i'm happy now. And I have my friends to thank for that & that one special person. I mean yeah friends are great to have, to help you in your time of need, but there's always that one person who tends to know more about you than anyone else. I've got a friend who knows about me, but knows stuff like, my favorite color, my birthday, my habits. Then there's the one who knows me, but knows why I cut, what i'm really like, & why i'm now happy.

I was so used to pretending, that when I came out with the real me to someone I was scared of what the out come would be. But now that I see that it was for the better, i'm glad I finally came out to someone. I smile more, think my normal thoughts, & have reasons for laughing. I'm not hurting as much now & the part of me that died is slowly beginning to remember how to live & live happy. I'm growing stronger every day & I have people to thank for that.

I was once told that someone loved me & that person ended up being the one to hurt me the most. The ones I kept close & really meant it when they said, "I love you" were the ones who healed me. "I love you" Is said millions of times a day & yet only half of those "I love you's" are meant. Sad but true & i'm lucky to have the friends on the half that mean it when they say "I love you".

Love is a strong feeling you have for someone & when someone loves you, you mean something to them. I don't use the word "Love" very often, because sadly I don't feel that around most people. But now that I'm starting to feel again, I'm happy to be around people again, I'm glad to see some people & to talk to others.

Love is something, something special & the person you're giving it to should be as well.

I used to get asked "What does love mean?" quiet a lot when I was a little younger & I never really knew how to answer it. So one night I look it up & this is what I found.

Love - a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Oh god isn't that the understatement of the century. Love is more than a deep attraction, it's that felling you get when you see the one you wake up in the morning for. The feeling you get in your stomach when they look at you, when they smile at you & you just melt. When you're breath has been taken away & you can't stop smiling because they talked to you.

Love is deeper than deep, it's what we all should live for, love, a reason for life, an amazing feeling, a wonderful attraction to a wonderful person, the motto for people who smile all day everyday. Love is not just a feeling, not just a lifestyle, but more than anyone could imagine one thing could be.

Please tell me what the definition of love is to you. I would love to know, I might even add a little page to this off all the different definitions of love. I'll put your name next to your definition, I'll dedicate the page to my favorite definition.

The name's Olivia. If you have anything you wanna talk about or say, post on my message board, leave a comment or message me. I'm here to talk if you need it.

I really don't care if you don't vote on this or add it to your library, I just really wanna know what you thought of it, so please comment. And if you do I will love you forever & might even personally thank you on your message board, so people will see how nice & amazing you are! Anyway, thnx to those of you who will comment, double thnx to those who will comment & vote, triple thnx to those who will comment, vote, & add this to there library. I love you all & I know I might not know you, but I do love you & I do mean it, with all my heart.

XOXO, tomorrow's Valentines Day for me, so yeah!!! I won't be alone this year, hopefully. Well bye all you lovers & just have a good life. XxXx