Super Prawn!Book 1: Super Prawn Escapes!

Chapter 1

This story starts with my love of prawns. Ah, how I love prawns! Those lovely, soft, delicious, pink insects of the sea. I like small ones in butter, fat ones in butter, small ones and fat ones in even more butter in a dish near some other small ones and fat ones in another dish covered in butter. I like to push them into my face. Pour them in. Wear them like strange fashionable eyebrows. Balance them atop my lip and beneath my nose like a delicious moustache. Oh, if only my jaw was weird and detachable, then I could shovel them up like a big shovel designed only for shovelling up prawns. Into my face! Yes! Prawns! YUM!

I also like trout and sea bass and mussels and whelks and bananas and the sound that a cat makes when you sneak up on it with an air horn and oysters and the word "pudding".

But there's something I don't like. And it's a something that is horrible! Foul! Ghastly! WRONG! In fact, it is so horrible, foul, ghastly and wrong that it makes even that ugly teacher with the fat bottom and massive warty face you hate look kindly. Now, let me tell you where it is this thing which I hate so...

First of all get some sky to look at, then switch the sun off so you can see the stars. Up there, in all that inky blackness, is the something that I hate. If you stare past the moon, and keep staring, then turn your eyes into enormous telescopes, the kind that have lots of dials and important buttons on that can only be used by people who wear T-Shirts that say "I AM A LIKE WELL BRAINY SCIENTIST AND STUFF" you probably still won't see it. But it's there. And it's coming for us!

What is this thing, you ask? And I answer by tearing off all my clothes, wearing one of those hats that looks like a tiny umbrella, and running around screaming: IT'S KATH HOOLU, THE GIANT INTERGALACTIC SQUID-OCTOPUS CREATURE! AAAAAAARGH! RUN AWAY!

But we can't run away! Not at all! We could try and hide around the other side of the Earth but it probably wouldn't make much difference. And anyway, just think of the size of the sofa we would need for ALL of us to hide behind.

Oh, it's horrid! It's ghasty! It's Kath Hoolu! Like a small squid, only MASSIVE. Like a really big hill, only bigger. Yes, like a bigger hill. Mount Everest, for example. That's a much bigger hill. Sort of a hill that ate all the pies and then just kept on eating. Probably moved onto pasties as well, the great fat greedy bucket-face of a hill that became a mountain called Mount Everest, the biggest hill ever(est).

Imagine it! A squid as big as Mount Everest! Now imagine a squid as big as Mount Everest that's eaten nearly every living thing in its star system! Now imagine it reaching out its yucky massive tentacles into space, like a granny who wants a really big kiss and to make sure you can't escape has replaced her arms with yucky massive tentacles, while gurgling horrible slimy phrases like, "I am really hungry for some of that yummy scrummy Earth Planet - I hear it's delicious!" and "Why are there no cooking programmes on the Telly for us giant intergalactic squids?" and "What exactly is a Telly?" Now imagine it wearing a kiss-me-quick hat and singing "My Old Man's a Dustman!" See? It's still terrifying! AAAAAAARGH!

[Insert pic of granny with tentacle arms and big kissy lips]

But there is hope! Oh yes. And just so long as I can stop myself from eating it before it saves us all from the hideously blubbery fat-piggy-ness of Kath Hoolu, then we may just survive. And that hope is called Chapter 2.