Why Couldn't I Be Like Them.... { DekuBaku }

Chapter One { The Dream }

* Writers note* { So most of " Why Can't I Be Like Them " is told by Bakugou and some parts are told by the other charters. If you have a bad passed or struggling with *TW* SH, ED, Body dysmorphia and Gender dysmorphia. Please take a minute and think if you want to read this cause I really don't want you to have any relapse. Thank you for reading.*

Chapter One *The Dream*

 *Bakugou P.o.v *

              I've been having this same dream every night.. It's always about this man I can see perfectly, he has emerald eye's, brownish red freckles all over his face and green fluffy hair that kinda looked like broccoli, it was kinda cute in a way. He's always wore the same plaid shirt and sitting in front of me with a smile of pure joy. I could never catch his name, but he acually said nothing and just stared at me with that same exact smile. I couldn't say anything when I tried to ask questions. The one thing I always noticed was that me and him were wearing matching wedding bands, but right when I was gonna ask him about them he got up and left, then I suddenly woke up sweating, shivering and more confused then anything. 

I've never told anyone about this dream. well that's probably because I don't have any friends if I'm being totally honest. 

I've been walking around the city all day, I've been trying to get used to my new binder I bought. I'm not exactly a fan of it right now, Its very itchy and uncomfortable. Well what can I expect It was a $10 dollar binder off eBay It was the only binder I could afford right now. I really want to scratch my chest, but if I did I wouldn't be able to stop. Shit man that's f-ing itchy, but what I didn't realize that I was still in the middle of the cross walk. I was getting distracted by my itchy ass chest. "Hey! kid move out of the street!". Some guy yelled from his car honking his horn. "oops". I quickly crossed the street and went into a ally to scratch my chest a little more and re-position my binder. After I finally stop itching my chest, I sat down the brick wall and then laid my head on my knees. I just stayed there quiet listing to the tourist and crowds of people talking. I didn't know why that felt so calming, just listing to people talk and talk... It could of been the cold wall as well. I closed my eyes and then sooner I knew it I was sitting at the table with the same man I've been seeing for the passed 3 months now... As usual I couldn't say anything and that dumb smile, but cute smile was on his stupid face, but this time he was looking at his hand as well as mine, then smiling even more. Then he slowly started to vanished in thin air. At that time I started to wake up to a voice. "Hey.. you alive?" A voice said crossed me leaning against the wall. "huh." I looked at the man with a face filled with tiredness. I nodded and rubbed my eyes to see pro hero Shoto! I stood up slowly leaning against the wall. My chest was throbbing In pain. I put a hand on my chest and then looked at Pro Hero Shoto. "Did you need something sir?" I said looking at shoto with confusion and pain. Shoto just kept looking at me with a face of confusion. "You're not a guy are you? You're a girl." Shoto said looking me up and down. At that moment I wanted to throw up..." No..? I'm a male." I said, then started to walk away out of the alley. I felt uncomfortable and frankly grossed out. I covered my mouth, I felt like everything was spinning all around me as well as my chest having horrible pain. I wanted to cry right then and there. Soon enough I was In the crowed of people, getting pushed around and smashed by how many people their were. I started to try and push people out of my way so I could go to my apartment as quick as I could. "Hey! Don't move you look hurt!" Shoto said, him starting to follow me. I just wanted to be alone in my quiet, cold room around no one. I was getting  close to my apartment and then I finally got into my apartment then immediately closing the door and locked the door right after. Soon after collapsed to the floor, everything went black....

I woke up on the floor feeling like I just got punched in the chest hundred, thousands of times. I leaned against the wall and realized I still had my binder on which was "crushing" my chest into pieces. I slowly took off the binder, I was cringing of pain and relief from the binder. My chest and shoulders are sore from falling I think or maybe over working my body, because I didn't wear my binder to long to make my chest hurt this bad. I've only had it on for 4 hours and no longer. I looked down at my body, I keep on forgetting I have bigger tits then I did when I was younger. I personally hated it, but some people "men" loved then. If I wasn't wearing my binder one day I would get thousands upon thousands of cat calls from anyone. The one thing that did bother me to the point of breaking is when Non-of my bras fit me. I wasn't a double D before, but now I am I HATE IT!  I wished I could just peel my fucking tits off and THROW THEM AWAY, but it's not that simple. I sighed then got up, looked around my apartment * That was a total mess* "Ugh..." I whined at the realization I HAVE to clean my apartment! I just didn't have the motivation, everything still hurt and ack. I walked over to my bed holding on to my new binder. All I wanted to do was be on my phone and relax. Before I laid into my bed I took off my shirt and put on a bra. I looked into the mirror in front of me , I started to pick out every single flaw on my body...I looked down my body up and down over and over. Then lots more, I see the stretch marks on my thighs, under arms and waist. I started to pinch the hell out of my "muffin" top, The extra fat on my so called " flat" stomach. I wanted it to be gone forever. My breath started to get heavier, the air got thicker. It was tricky to breath as I pinched harder and harder. Tears flowed down my face, my body went down to my  knees to the grounded. The hard wood floor swallowing up my knees as if they were in the pits of hell and I was in it as well. Then my eyes darted to the blade on the night stand...everything went dark. 

*2-3 hours later *TW//*

I watched as blood dripping down my body, while I cry in the bath-tub thinking what a looser I was for crying what I did. I already had cuts there and I just made them worse. I put my ear buds in and listened to my music ignoring life, I felt unreal as I was In the bath tub looking down on my phone. I was failing my pledge to keep clean, It wasn't like I had anything to live for, everything I loved died. They all died because of him... Pro hero Red-rite. I closed my eyes, I started to wish for all of this to end forever. Only if wishes came true....only if...