Teddy's diary

Finding love

Let me tell you the story of my first relationship. If you can even call it that..

He asked me out randomly, we "dated" for like 3 years from grade 3 and onwards without even holding hands. So yeah, that's it. He was a nice person just not someone I saw or could even see romantically. First of all he saw me as a girl, and so did i at that time, but still a big no. Second of all, he never took initiative at least not how i wanted him too. I'm shy and awkward when getting to know someone new and we were too similar so we clashed. Also we were like 9. That was bound not to work out.

So now let's talk about my ideal type.
I don't really have physical requierments cuz that's dumb. What i care about is character and personality. Since i'm a shy bastard i like people who are assertive and can initiate conversation. Sort of like a soft top lol. I am more attracted to people who are taller than me, but if i like someone it won't be because of their height. And i'm like 166 cm.

Ihave a thing about hugs and cuddles. I can't sleep without hugging something. That's why i love plushies. So I need cuddles to survive. When i feel most alone and sad that i don't have someone i get sadder when i realize i can't cuddle someone.
I guess for someone to like me they would have to know what i like. So here are some things i like. Music has been a big part of my life, as well as art and anything creative. I love the color blue so much it's dumb. The best part about being agender is no matter who i like, it's gay. I am able to be in a long distance relationship, i just need to get to know the person first and i would most likely be clingy since i can't have physical contact. I won't be clingy without permission though, i'm always scared that i'm being annoying. I need someone who can give compliments. If it wasn't clear i love being praised and cared for. It sort of makes sense with the way my life has been. I'm always the quiet one to those who don't know me.

I am sort of resorting to the internet to meet people. I always feel awful trying to getto know people in real life. It feels as though they already have their groups with set rules and i don't want to be the person to break that norm. I never say what i'm thinking because it makes me too vulnerable. At first i thought it was because of how i look that people don't like me, but now i know that doesn't matter as much as my personality. But how can i be more likeable as a person? Am i just doomed to be forever alone without connection?

Song: Ghosting - Tomorrow x Together