Loving you unconditionally

Prologue

After saying those words, my tears started pooling down my eyes. Thankfully the camera is off already.

The tears that I had been holding back were now slowly falling from my eyes.

How can I hurt myself like this.
Paano ko siya naiintindi, samantalang siya ay wala nama'ng paki sa 'kin.

Alam na ng lahat...
Maybe everyone must be happy with the news I've said while I was here suffering from my chosen decision.

As I walk out from the studio to the dressing room, I locked myself in the room and I cried over all the pain in my heart and everything that bothered me.

Wala akong paki kung sino ang makakarinig sa iyak at hagulgul ko dahil ang gusto ko lang ay matapos na ang paghihirap ko.

"Why?" I asked myself over and over again. Gustong gusto ko malaman kung bakit ganto ang kailangan ko danasin. Nag mahal lang naman ako? Bakit pag ako ang nagmahal ay kailangan may hangganan?. Bakit hindi pwede?

"Why can't I love you like everybody does" sabay ng pagtanong ko sa sarili ang pag hampas hampas ko sa ulo ko gamit ang aking kamay.

"Why....." I look at the mirror and starred at myself then I finally realized na magkaiba nga pala ang mundo namin, na hindi ako pwede sa langit kundi sa lupa lamang.

I was about to punch the mirror when someone stopped me. Nang tiningala ko sa salamin kung sino iyon ay si Lisa pala. I turn into her and look at her with furious eyes.

"Don't do that to yourself belle, he's not worth it for your love" she held my hand then hugged me.

Lisa is my friend since my teenage days and don't know anything from this world, kaya s'ya lang palagi ang kasama dahil siya lang din naman ang kaibigan ko.

"He's not worth it for my love or I just can't afford his love?" I ask her then cry again.

"Sweetie if he really loved you wala ka sa posisyon mo'ng yan, hindi ka n'ya hahayaan na masaktan" bumitaw ako sa pagkakayakap at napaupo na lamang. She's right.

She's always right, pero hindi ako nakikinig dahil ayokong makinig sa mapait na katotohanan. Bulag ako sa mga taon na akala ko pwede pang magbago pero wala naman pala. I keep disappointing myself. I kept on telling myself na pwedeng maging ako, pero pinipilit ko. Hindi ko siya hinahayaan na mag desisyon. Dahil alam ko na pag nagdesisyon siya hindi pa rin ako ang pipiliin nya.

"8 years at muli s'yang babalik dito at ano pa ang gagawin n'ya.." naninikip ang dibdib ko at hindi makahingang binibigkas ang mga katagang 'yun.

"I don't know either...." Lisa's Chase older sister and Lisa is my best friend.

After what happened to San Pablo Lisa and I was unseparatable. For all of that pain, we chose to keep it and continue living our lives.

Ilang sigundo kaming natahimik kaya naman nagsalita na ako.

"Gusto ko muna mapag isa Lisa.." she sighed and she was about to walk out ng bigla siya nagsalita.

"Don't waste your love for my brother Louise." I starred at her back then cry again.

How? Saan ako magsisimula kumalimot. Walong taon bella pero hanggang ngayon andiyan ka pa din sa posisyong ikahihirap mo, ikakasakit mo.

She locked the door then after that I stood up and look at myself mula ulo hanggang paa.

Tonight is the night is were I'm about to meet a friend. An old friend.

After crying for an hour's I finally decided to go home.