abide

chapter 11

the fragrance of oil-based joss sticks wafted in the room. yoshinori liked the rosy smell and was glad it was not jasmine tonight - yesterday as he encountered the latter, he found doyoung crying on the floor, his body wavering, new batches on his fingers.

this time he saw doyoung sitting on the bed, a blanket covering his legs, he was staring at the space in front of him. yoshinori was wary of how doyoung's mood could change uncontrollably within seconds, so he cautiously approached the other.

"doyoung-ah, it's me."

he waited before sitting next to him, the boy had to look him in the eyes, acknowledge. yoshinori put all the crude moves aside. slowly, quietly, softly, and assuringly, this is how everybody should behave while with the fragile, marble figure which could be turned into shards by the slightly stronger gush of wind.

"I had a dream today."

it was good news. a sign that doyoung's mind was healing, it was so desperate to regain what was lost but was still too weak to conduct everything alone. nevertheless, what doyoung did throughout this year never failed to impress yoshinori, as well as the rest of the group.

"what dream?"

the leader's voice was mellow, the words wafted along with the rosy air. the joss sticks were almost utterly burned, yoshinori calculated that yedam must have kindled them when haruto was here with doyoung. the oldest make sure there was someone looking after him when he couldn't do it single-handedly.

this way doyoung felt safe, trusting only two people in this world. after that wintry night, the one which all of them wanted to forget but none could, the boy would be too afraid to look other people in the eyes, would start muttering in agitation, covering his ears, begging to leave him alone, although the last thing jaehyuk, asahi or yedam would think about was to expose him to danger.

no matter how many tries and attempts the three made, doyoung would refuse to recognize them, remember. he knew two names only - haruto, yoshinori, and as the members gathered one day to discuss this inexplicable matter, asahi came out with a reasonable explanation - the first ones who found him in this moldy cellar were the ones he didn't fear.

they enlightened this dark oblivion he was trapped in, their voices made him come back to this world, yoshinori's warmth first pressed against his stiff, cold skin, haruto's arms were the first to lift him, leave this hell which all of them felt, that they involuntarily induced the pristine boy to get in. yoshinori didn't know that after agreeing to doyoung being their bait would result in him being captured by the monsters whose real intentions even he couldn't read in advance.

doyoung had no idea jaehyuk was the one who pitted his assaulter's stomach, crushing the skull as the retaliation, he had no idea that asahi treated his injuries, appeased the painful after-effects of the cruel act, the boy sobs' spurred to fall on his cheeks, although his face was as stern as ever as he put ointments and soaked cotton pads in decoctions he decocted himself but wished would have never been used on anyone. lastly, as doyoung's health flared up nevertheless, he would just expressionlessly stare at the ceiling, silent, yedam changed the sheets, blankets, draw and undraw the curtains. he was the one discovering that doyoung liked joss sticks, he would buy them, enlight the right ones, speak to doyoung for hours.

sadly, the boy didn't know yedam's voice, jaehyuk's smile, asahi's gentle embrace.

yoshi sat down next to the boy, took a deeper breath. he put his hand on doyoung's slender arm, checking if his temperature wasn't worryingly cold or hot, at the same time he could sense how blood circulated through the other's veins which somehow had a soothing effect on his mind.

"I saw you, and me, haruto was there too..."

yoshi stopped staring at the boy, timidly looking away as the thought that he would make him feel crowded appeared to him.

"yedam was there too. where is yedam?"

the red hair boy's heart struck against his lungs a bit harder, his eyes widened, the hand which had been clenched around the other's arm inadvertently went down, squeezing his wrist the way babies hold onto one's finger.

"d-did you say yedam?"

doyoung finally took his gaze off the plain wall, tilting his head to meet with yoshi's eyes, the eyes which almost got teary with the hope that the one he hurt so much could become the same sunshine embodiment he used to know.

"the one who comes here every day is yedam. he gives me roses. I like roses."

a dim smile trembled on the other's face where yoshinori hadn't seen a sign of happiness for way too long.

"y-yedam is here! I will go for him, just wait!"

his voice raised gradually, his feet already on the run. he dashed out of the room, on the way passed by haruto, giving him a soft peck on the cheek, shouting "he recognizes yedam!" and not long after, was on the route back, hand in hand with yedam, they were running light as feathers.

doyoung was the friend they owed their lives. every one of them wanted to return their life to him, but in this realm, they had no choice but to regret what has happened until the end of time.

doyoung was the shaft of sunshine on a gloomy day, a kind smile that could be seen even through the glass of tears, a remembrance that there was still goodness left in this filthy world.

nevertheless, they killed the virtues they loved him for, using him as bait and letting him in the vultures' den.

// ✧ //