Dance Through Trauma

May 6, 2022

I haven't had the time to write these past few weeks because of my new job as a school custodian. So, let me start! The job is a perfect fit for me, so I will have a secure and stable job. We don't have a car but right now I've been asking my co-workers Joe and Gary to give me rides, as well as receiving transportation from a bus transportation company that works only during the day. I start work at 3 PM and leave at 11:30 PM. My workplace is a school that has students from Pre-k to Second grade. I take out the trash, vacuum the rooms, and wipe desks and tables. For now, there isn't a required routine for each worker, but each of us do what we've chosen to do. Gary is a 69 year old man, and Joe is a 57 year old man. I was so nervous that they would not like me since I depend on them most of the time for transportation to work, but they're actually very kind and helpful, and they were both men of God. Another new thing that's come up is my spiritual awakening. I'm starting to believe in God. Not the God that people portray as an angry man in the sky that scares people into believing him, but the God that will give you a good life and a good afterlife to those that are good at heart, while those bad at heart will go to hell for their evil. However, I don't believe hell is eternal. It's like prison; people will serve their fair time in there, and then be annihilated from existence. I personally hope bad people serve their time and then be given a second chance at redemption, but if they're just evil, then annihilation is appropriate. I like to believe that God is an entity in another dimension, known as Heaven, who is full of love and light. My belief in God is similar to a Christian's point of view, except there are a few differences. Here's what I believe now: God is an entity so pure that he has no physical appearance. He is the creator of the Earth. I'm still deciding if he's the same God that created the universe, but I do now believe that there is a super-power. I believe that if you are good at heart in life, you will enter eternal peace, while those bad at heart will enter suffering in another dimension known as Hell. I really believe that God will let people enter his kingdom if they are good at heart no matter what sins they've committed because sin is in our nature. We just ask for forgiveness everyday for our sins. Many believers believe non-believers will go to hell, but I think as long as those non-believers are good at heart and have no thoughts against God. I don't think God is cruel enough to have his non-believing children suffer in eternal fire even if they were good at heart. My God is a peaceful entity, and people good at heart will join him in heaven, while those bad at heart will join Satan. I don't think God is the God that many see. I'm still trying to figure it out, but I think people will either end up where they belong in the after-life, or that if you're good at heart, then God will bring you good in life. I like to think of God as the wind that is all around us. He's everywhere, and if we're good, that will bring goodness to our human lives. I do believe he sent his son Jesus Christ to die for our sins. I believe they are both in the air that we breathe. I don't know how to exactly explain it, but that's what I can say. I don't want to be a Christian nor anyone part of a religion. I want to be a follower of God and Jesus. I still haven't decided if I believe whether the Bible was created by God or not, but I will look into that. Just like my coworker Joe said, "It is a hard process." We spoke last night in the car about God. He talked to me about the stories from the Bible like Noah's ark, and I spoke to him about my demon encounter. I'm not sure if I've ever explained that true story of mine, but it happened in early 2011 when I was 8. It was during the afternoon, and as I was about to walk into the room that me, Jamie, and mom shared at the time, I saw someone under our big bed. It was a creature with no hair; completely bald. His skin color was dark red and brown mixed it seemed. I don't remember what his eyes looked like but I think they were just dark. The demon at first was watching the TV, which was on, and the TV had a movie playing shoot Jesus Christ. The scene that was on the TV was when Jesus Christ was carrying the cross to the hill. When I saw the demon, I saw it watch the TV for a few seconds, and then it looked straight at me, and in like 3 actual seconds I felt scared, and ran away from there, and told my mom that I saw someone under the bed. My mom didn't believe me of course, and just said that stuff like that happens to kids who disobey, since of course I was disobedient at times. I was at the door when I saw the demon. I just stood there and saw it all. I didn't speak to it, and it didn't speak to me. It only looked at me, and I ran right after. For years, I was questioning what it was. It was clearly not an imagination because I remember it like it was yesterday. My mom believes me because she knows how she used to talk to me back then. She always said that ghosts appear to kids who disobey, and that God punishes kids who do not obey their parents. She always said that when I was young, so of course. I remember the room in which I saw the demon. That was not an alien, an interdimensional being, a ghost, nor a person. The skin color it had... no hair... and it happened to be in a house that was haunted by strange tall shadows at night... and the creature happened to be watching a movie shoot Jesus Christ. Yeah, it was a demon. If there are demons, then there is God. As an atheist from 2017 to 2020, I would lie to myself that it was imagination even though I knew deep down it wasn't. At times, I would tell myself, "I did see someone under that bed, but I think it might've been an interdimensional being or ghost or something completely unexplained but it has nothing to do with religion." Well, it definitely did have something to do with God's existence because if there is a demon, then there must be hell. If there is hell, there must be God. It's all connected. That's why I believe in God and Jesus Christ, now that I've finished asking questions. From 2020 to now, 2022, I was agnostic. I am now a follower of God. I will try to read the Bible or watch YouTube videos on the Bible and see if I can believe in it as well. I have doubts about the holy book, so I think deeply about that. The words that Joe told me last night increased my faith in God, and thanks to Joe, I am now a follower. Can you believe that Joe happened to ask me about my belief in God during a ride? I never mentioned anything about my beliefs to him because I am naturally non-talkative. I truly believe God's love through Joe brought me faith because he asked me about God out of nowhere, and I'm so glad that he did. To summarize, I am now a believer of God and Jesus Christ, and I have a secured job. We (me and family) are also likely to move into our new house in like 2 weeks. The light is coming in my existence.

- May 6, 2022