Synthetic Souls

Chapter 1

~One day it all ended, and then everything began. A new life, one that would make me happy... I always thought miracles were only concealed by dreams, but once everything for me ended I found the secret to achieving such a rarity and then when I had such a realization everything began once again for me~

Chapter 1

When I came into this world one day, I already felt like I had been here before. My senses felt numb and I couldn't find a proper way to speak or move. Everything I did in the beginning is what any newborn would do, cry. I felt this frustration that I could never properly describe. Maybe, it was because I was programmed that way, but I would never be able to accept that. No, I would never accept that because that moment was the only moment I had ever felt some kind of human emotion.

Oh, that's right I left out one important thing. I am a robot, well technical a cyborg but robot has a better ring to it. 

I was created by Huges Emerald Render in 2067 as a project to create a synthetic human soul. His goal has always been to raise me as if I was a human being and let me create and mature this "soul". Quite honestly I wish he would just give up on me and give himself a proper life. Dr. Render's current lifestyle is what someone would call a "pig sty". All he ever eats is semi hard ramen, and in the end he never cleans up the leftover cup therefore creating mountains of empty Cup Noodles in any place he favors to go. The only reason I don't pick up after him is because I don't ever see the point in doing so, I mean if you think about the probable outcome of my action Dr. Render will just think I'm some new maid bot and eat twice as much as he does currently.

I do not want that. I guess I don't want that because my effort levels are set on a low level. Some people call this laziness, I just call it a knowledge of future events. They are some what similar but I have a wave of irritation towards the word "lazy", therefore I use my preference of words. I can not accept the fact that I am a "lazy" robot for some reason. Maybe I have a glitch somewhere?

Anyway, my reasoning for Dr. Render's termination of this ongoing project isn't just necessary because of his sad living style, but also because our lack of progress. I have been growing physically by myself without any help from Dr. Render which is supposedly a miracle in itself, but my emotions have not developed properly at all. I remember once when I was 12 Dr. Render tripped over one of his many abandoned cups on the floor and broke his leg.

When I first heard the snap I immediately acted and carried him to the car in order to deliver him to a hospital. In the midst of his pain Dr. Render clutched his leg tightly and looked at me with tear ready eyes. "Are you worried about me?"  is what he asked, and my reaction delayed itself into creating a lie before I answered. I nodded my head and proceeded to driving him. Quite honestly, I have no idea how someone is supposed to get "worried". All I knew from that experience was when I first heard the crack of Dr. Render's leg the situation was what had been described to me as "bad" and I acted on that instinct. If there was any emotion I was feeling at the time it would be frustration because of my lack of emotions. I remember gripping the steering wheel tightly with this frustration and delivering my klutzy creator to the ER. 

So you see, that is why I wish Dr. Render to terminate this project. I explained to him my opinion and to my surprise he became angry. It is rare to see Dr. Render angry so I was a little shocked. 

"I can't stop this project now," he said, "Listen Heather, if I stop this project you will have to be shut down. Do you want that?"

I shrugged, "I don't really care."

"I see," Dr. Render sighed, "Well, you might not care but I don't want you shut down because you are important to me. I have spent a full fifteen years with you, watching you grow up and make process. We have made bonds that I never will forget. All I want to do is protect you and let you grow up, so if you shut down it will be like you died. And I can't take that. Losing someone is hard. You might not understand it at first but when someone you care about dies you feel like the world around you has stopped spinning. Everything becomes still and you are alone. I want to keep my world spinning so no matter what I will see this experiment through."

After that he left the house and went out for a drink. Quite honestly, I have no idea where he was coming from. What is a bond? What is it like to feel like the world has stopped spinning? Is that bad? Why does he want to keep "his world" spinning? What is it like to feel alone? There were so many questions I wanted to ask him before he left, but I didn't want to make him even more angry for the sake of the valuables around us Dr. Render can not afford to lose. His temper can be rather explosive when you push the wrong buttons, but as I said before that rarely happens.

Anyway, I am at a loss of what I am suppose to do. Should I terminate myself and save Dr. Render the financial troubles or stay and build his positive emotional state? Which choice would be least detrimental to him? I don't care about what happens to me so any choice doesn't really concern me, but if there is anything I can do for Dr. Render I will. Because, after all I am his robot and he is my creator therefore I must do whatever is most beneficial for Dr. Render. I can not seem to strive for anything else. 

Is this what you call caring?