Separation

[2o]

*AUTHORS NOTE*

*edited 5/18: i forgot about jordan and i was so excited to publish this that i rushed it so i added in a few things (:

Hi friends!! Long time no see!! Just kidding I posted two days ago. Welcome back (:

GIVE ME COMMENTS OR I'M LITERALLY GOING TO DIE. :D

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"Y-you..." hiccup "-you can't..." hiccup "-you promise you won't be mad at me? I can't..." hiccup "-I can't do it if you're..." hiccup "-mad at me." I finally managed to get out, tears streaming down my face in never-ending waves. I couldn't even speak, just imagining their reactions to what I have to say is making my chest close in on itself; I don't need to see their real reactions to add on to this shitty feeling.

There's no way they won't be upset with me, or if they aren't upset with me they'll be disappointed in me, which is so much worse. I don't want to see their heads hang in shame because I kept this huge secret from them, they're going to think I'm an idiot, and that I'm stupid and that I'm worthless. They're going to hear what has been happening and just decide that they don't want anything to do with me anymore because that would be easier than dealing with the situation that I got myself into.

I mean they didn't even want to tell me that I had been drugged and taken advantage of earlier this year because they were so ashamed that I had let something like that happen to me. They're probably going to rethink our entire relationship because I kept something so huge from them and for so long. We've always told each other everything, that's why we never got into any major arguments; we always told the truth to each other.

And now I've kept this secret from them for so long, they're definitely going to be upset with me. They're going to dump me. There's no if's, and's, or but's about it, I just know that's what is going to happen. I just know it.

"Breathe." I gulped in air, the sudden intake burning my throat, making me cough and gasp for more air. I couldn't breathe. I was going to die before I told them anything.

"Baby doll, five things you can see." I heard Grey's gurgled voice somewhere but I couldn't focus; not when I was dying.

Suddenly, something was pushing on the back of my neck, and my head was wedging between my knees just as something heavy pressed against my back. With my head between my knees, I was able to take the deep breaths that I couldn't before, death suddenly so far away that I didn't know why I thought I was going to die in the first place. The immense pressure on my back kept me grounded in the moment as I continued to take deep breaths.

I felt someone braiding my hair back, pulling the strands that were stuck to my face back into the braid.

I don't know how long I stayed like this, my head between my knees and something heavy on my back, but it was long enough to calm me down, and I was able to breathe steadily. The tears had dried and were making my face feel tight, and my nose continued to run. I had to keep sniffling to keep it from dripping.

I slowly brought my head up and out of my knees to find Grey and Ryker sitting up and leaning against the wall next to each other, Ryker's hand stroking my foot while Grey's hand stroked Ryker's thigh. They had both been staring at me and when I looked up, they both gave me soft smiles.

I brought my hand up to touch whatever was on my back, and found it was a weighted blanket. I gave them my own smile back, sniffling again to hold back the snot. Ryker reached forward and brought up the bottom of his shirt, wiping my nose for me. I couldn't help but laugh, this was his thing. He pressed a kiss to my forehead before leaning back to stare gently into my eyes.