Journal of an Empress

Overgive

Chapter 14

I had some days of reflection. Meeting someone new has in a way blurred my mind. Not in a bad way but in a way that I had to gain some clarity. Also it all tested my skills in my new way of living. The man I met was a nice man no doubt about it but let's say he wasn't quite done cooking. Not emotional immature but just in a some kind of chaotic situation with ending lots of things. In his life that made me feel insecure.

We hade this great communication between us and well frankly some attraction too. Not something I gave into due to the fact that it was too early on. I have had some days when I was really really tired after lots of turmoils. In my head and in my heart. I was mentally drained from social meetings. From giving. Over-giving.

When I went out for a run it hit me. I always over-give. In work, relationships and in life in generally but when I do it, I over-give myself. My own energy and feelings. It is not a correct english word I know but still the meaning of it, one can easily understand

When you are this kind and nice person you want to give, your soul is that kind of soul that wants to nurture someone else. That wants to give others so that they feel loved. In this case I had given everyone else the most of my time, energy and love so there were nothing left for me. To be able to feel energy from. 

So I took a step back. I took a step back to gain perspective. To gain something that can make me see through the fog. Because I have learned this far that if someone really wants to be in your life they make the effort. They want to be in it, in one way or another. You don't have to over-give if that means that you will abandon your self. Well you know over-give

I will miss the communication with the man but I have learned so much more than chase wrong things, wrong persons and try to make them realize who I am and my value are. I must stay focused on the things that are important for me. I have to isolate myself from everything else. I don't have time to give when someone might not have something to give back.

It is a tough lesson life. It is a tough journey but you must stay true in being you. Stay true to what you believe in and believe that people that wants to be with you will do anything possible to be with you.

You are the Empress. The Empress take no shit. She doesn't chase. She doesn't go back if there is not worth in it. She just move forward. And believe in herself. Always. 

And for Gods sake, stay out of your head in doing in!