Love Is Too Little A Word

I

If you asked Scaramouche when he knew he was in love with Childe, he'd sit there for a minute pondering a few main points. Love to him wasn't something he'd be able to even comprehend nor fathom. As a puppet, the balladeer had long longed for a heart; something that would allow him to understand the complexities of the human emotions he so sought after, to feel anything within his hollow vessel. If he could feel love, was that truly what he felt towards Childe?

Childe to him was like an incisively annoying toddler. Constantly mouthing over some recruit that talked back to him, an adventure that led him all over the seven nations of teyvat, or a fight he had been in. It never ended, there was never a moment for white noise when they were together. It was something the 6th had accepted over the time the two of them spent together. He let Childe fill in all those spaces of his life.

He learned that Childes favorite color was blue, not because of the shade of his eyes, but rather when he was young; Childe sat on the roof of his childhood home wondering what lay out of reach in the vast blue sky. He learned childe loves cooking for company, as it reminded him of the nights spent back home making meals for his family. He often cooks for scaramouche when they're both home off missions, it's his favorite because he can force the balladeer to learn alongside him. He learned that Childes real name is Ajax, and no one has called him that in many years. He learned Ajax loves the way his name sounds from Scaramouches mouth. Whether it be in detest, valor, or anger; Ajax was always content with the circumstances if scaramouche was by his side.

It was then he understood that what he felt for Ajax was not love, nor like, or a measly crush. Ajax was Kunikuzushis entire heart. That missing piece of himself was filled by Ajax, he would never need a heart as long as he was with him. Those incomprehensibly idiotic aspects of Ajax that loved when the snow finally fell for the first time after each solstice, going ice fishing back home with his siblings, or just cooking a simple meal for scara if he'd had a long day; were all so unique to him.

For the first time in over 500 years, he cried in the four walled log cabin he shared with his lover. This was unexplainable to him. As a man who has taken the countless lives of others, was he really crying over some human man who would die many years before scaramouche would erode? He hated this. He hated the way ajax made him feel all these complicated ways when it was never something to be felt. Hated how care free and relaxed he had gotten in the 11th presence. Someone so replaceable and minuscule, has the balladeer wrapped around their finger.

It was then when he was ripped from his thoughts by the sound of the front door opening. The sound of the footsteps indicated it was Ajax, and he was finally home after weeks of waiting. Kunikuzushi couldn't help the warm feeling that rose from the pit of his stomach in anticipation to see the man who occupied his precious thoughts.

"Oh honey I'm ho-" with his signature red scarf wrapped loosely around his neck, and thick layers to protect him from the Snezhnayan cold, Ajax dropped all the items in his arms noting the tears on Scaramouches face.

"What happened? Are you alright Kuni?" He says replacing his usual wide smile with a look of concern. He's never seen scaramouche cry, not at least while awake.

Ajax rushes over to check for any signs of damage, placing a large but soft and tender hand lovingly underneath scaras chin. "I'm fine, you fucking idiot." scaramouche spits out with no venom behind it.

"Ah, there's my wife. I missed ya, ya know! Thought about ya every day." He says while wiping whatever remaining tears lingered from his lovers porcelain like skin. Placing a soft kiss on the top of Scaramouches head, he wraps his large frame around the shorter man, pulling him infinitely closer.

"Oh really, did you now?" Scaramouche quips back to Childes blatant affection, as per usual. He has no choice but to hold onto Ajax's broad shoulders as the former showers him in kisses from his forehead to his neck and back to his lips. This was a small ritual of theirs whenever someone returned home. Or more so, Ajax had made it mandatory.

"Of course i did, you're my one and only, Kuni." And he meant it while mumbling it out between kisses. Ajax loved Scara more than he valued himself or his own safety, scaramouche was his entire world. The answer the all his problems, and the only thing he found great comfort in.

He felt Kunikuzushi stiffen in his hold and thoughts of doubt filled his mind. Childe pulled back in order to see if he had done something wrong to upset Scara. He was blushing— he's never seen Kunikuzushi like this, and decided he was most definitely going to take advantage of it.

"Are ya seriously blushin right now?" he blurts out attempt to conceal a deep chested laugh, "it's cute, it looks good on ya" immediately following suit, scaramouche throws his head between the juncture inbetween Childes neck and shoulders pushing against the latters chest with his hands as a first and final warning.

Ajax sensed there's something Scara wants to tell him so he quickly sets his belongings and heavy layers down in the doorway, noting to take off his shoes as Kunikuzushi relentlessly scolded him to do so each time they were home. Making his way back towards his partner, he grabs his smaller hand within his own leading him to the living room. Taking a seat within his favorite chair, Ajax pulls the balladeer to sit atop his lap and face him.

"what's wrong honey, wanna tell me somethin, hm?" To which Scara resumes his previous position in the slot of Childes neck mumbling to himself.

"gotta speak up, can't understand ya when ya do this." Ajax says while rubbing soothing circles on the back of the smooth fabric of Kunikuzushis turtle neck. He knew how much Scaramouche loved when he did this as he felt him instantaneously relax on top of him. Allowing himself to melt into Childe.

Neither of them spoke for a long while, just taking in the familiarity of each other's warmth and presence. Scara occasionally twisting a curl or two of Ajax's grown out hair, and Childe whispering sweet nothings of love and adoration for the man above him.

"You're my entire heart," Kunikuzushi blurted out breathlessly, "you're my home, my future, my every beginning." Then, Ajax understood what his partner was conveying. He loved him. He loved Ajax. Not Childe, not Tartaglia, but Ajax. The ugly, the good, the bad; Kunikuzushi loved him regardless.

Scaramouche became worried as Childe was silent for a long moment afterwards. Red hot heat flooded his cheeks, and he needed to leave immediately. Attempting to remove himself from the gingers lap in shame and embarrassment, he was held down by Ajax's grip around his waist. Silently telling him to stay put, and signifying he had something to say back.

"I love you, Kunikuzushi. More than yesterday, as much as today, and even more tomorrow. Infinitely. I'll say it as many times as I need to. You're my entire heart." Ajax says in Ernest.

He couldn't stand it anymore, scaramouche placed both small hands of his on either sides of Ajax's face and he kissed him. He wished his words would forever be etched into Ajax's mind, as he is the only being he's ever loved or will love, and the only being he'd give all of himself to.

Kunikuzushi loved so much of Ajax that it was way beyond sexual, and felt almost innocent in nature. Words would always fail to convey the deep sense of care he had for his partner. It felt almost insulting to just tell Ajax he was loved by him and he alone. Love was too little a word to describe how he felt towards Ajax, and he hoped they always knew that.

(Cover art by @toraburu on twt, banner by @ikkimochi9 on twt)