My messed up life

Chapter 1

There I was watching a comedy show on Nickelodeon called"hunter street" when I recognize an actor who acted as "sal" (real name is Daan Creyghton). I fell hard for this guy that I became over obsessed with him, I used to text him every morning, afternoon and in the evening. I loved him so much but in reality I didn't. All my life I have never found someone I can say that I have ever Loved them for real, all my life I have been lying to my self that I love this guy and many others but nope I have never ever fallen in love for real. I don't know what's wrong with my life but it's messed up and it is f**ked up hard. There's this guy called Emma from my school, everytime I think about him I feel happy but my heart is empty I can't feel anything. It's messed up. I wish I could just find someone I love and I can stop lying to my self that I love this one and the other one yet it enti true.