Claude

CHAPTER TWELVE

I still can't stop thinking about why Claude brought me there. It doesn't make sense. Surely he wasn't just being cruel. He doesn't seem like the type to go out of his way to be petty.

I don't attempt to ask him in the hours it takes to get back to his house. I stay silent with my head against the window until we're safely in his garage where I walk quickly to my room.

I'm embarrassed more than anything. Embarrassed that he is the one person in the world I can't hide anything from. I go to my bathroom and rip open the bathroom cabinet. My fingers are drawing blood from my palms, I'm shaking so violent I can't see straight. My heart is aching, so heavy, so desperate to be let out.

I unscrew my meds from the orange container, the universal symbol that some people just exist differently from the rest of the world. I dump them in the sink and crush them repeatedly under my palm until they're powder and I am crying. I must be crying because my face is wet and everything hurts. I slid down the toilet until I'm on the floor and the cold tiles support my head.

Maybe I fell asleep or maybe I blacked out but when I open my eyes again, it's dark. I drag myself across the floor. My head is pounding. My phone tells me it's 7 o'clock. Dinner is almost finished but I head down anyway. I don't brush my hair or change into comfy clothes or even look in the mirror.

I must look rough because Raphael stares at me with concern. Opium eyes flicker with some kind of emotion. Even Claude blatantly stares at me.

"What?" I snap, losing my cool.

"You've got blood on your face," Raphael says gently. My fingers shake as I touch my face and am met with red. I calmly walk over to the mirror in the dining room and sure enough, there is blood around my nose and dried bits of blood around my mouth. I must've hit my nose somehow when I was crushing my pills.

Fuck. I need those.

I rub most of it off with a wet tissue and sit back down to eat the cold dishes in front of me.

"Are you okay? You were making quite a lot of noise up there," Raphael asks softly.

"Did you enjoy the show?" I ask after a pause. Raphael looks back at me confused and the over to Claude who has stopped eating entirely and is just looking at me.

"I'm not sure what you're implying."

"Did you enjoy watching me interact with my mother? You wanted to see it for yourself? To make sure she hated me as much as your research implied?"

He clenches his jaw, which I'm coming to figure out is how he expresses that he is about to lose his cool.

"Is that why we went? I've been trying to figure it out, you know. I thought maybe it was to test that I wouldn't tell anyone if I was given the opportunity. Funny how I thought it was something as simple as that."

Fuck not telling anyone anything. I want to tell them everything. I want to scream and cry and laugh so much that I pass out and I want to be rid of them forever. I want the silence that is filling the room to end, I want them to tell me the truth, I want to sleep forever.

"It was as simple as that," Claude surprises me by saying. "I didn't know she was going to say all of that. I put a microphone in your necklace so I could hear what you said to your brothers when I left the room."

"Nice to know I passed your little test," I spat.

"Passed with flying colours," he says drily.

"Capo dai, è un po' duro," Opium says.

Claude seemed to consider this. Opium looks uncomfortable and Raph just won't stop staring.

"You have a problem?" I snap at him and he shrugs.