Revenge is certain

Diary entry #1
It's been two months since my parents died. Just writing that sends shivers down my spine. I have started writing in this new journal because my therapist has been sneaking around my room and there's no way in hell she will know the real me. So here's why I wrote this in a new journal. Here's why my therapist can't find out. I'm close to leaving.
I'm sorry mom and dad. I know you worked so hard to protect me but, your gone now and I can't handle this anymore. I can't live like this anymore. I want to run but, I'm frozen. I want to freeze but I'm running. Maybe, just maybe, life wasn't meant for everyone. You guys died. You left me. I'm alone. I don't know how to cope with this. I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do now. You know how a organ in your body helps you live, and without a organ a human cannot function properly. You were that organ and I was that poor human. You were ripped away from my body and I cannot function. That day, you might have died physically but, I died mentally. This loneliness is eating me alive. Swallowing me up and refusing to spit me out. Everyday, I fake smiles, laughs, and even a personality. I wish there was a way to make this knife in my chest stop stabbing. This bullet in my arm to stop moving in deeper. This voice in my head to stop talking. The only way left is to rid pain with pain. I need your help to stop. Why won't you help me? I scream but, you don't answer. You reply but, I can't answer.