and what did you do that made a difference?
you did nothing
you were nothing.
maybe that's what you wanted,
you were too aware for a good time
you were too focused on everything else to see yourself
it made you nothing.
you really were just a conscience the whole time
observing with the impression that you could make a change if you wished
but you never really touched anything, did you?
it never seemed like you wanted to
the way your fingertips shook before contact
the way you hesitated when you knew your foot would leave a print
if you weren't so aware,
you wouldn't have realized how much of a "nothing" you really were.
you wouldn't be repeating it to yourself,
denying that you were looking at a real thing in the mirror.
and the more you looked away,
the more you faded away.
so now you've finally gathered the courage to look yourself in the eye.
why are you so surprised?
why are you shocked that a reflection does not greet you?
isn't this what you believed the whole time?
-J
