March 14, 2022

Mask off

Not to paint the personality that you want to be,The idea is to repair the inside damage and reorder the stuff within to reach the real person, for no matter how great the painting you painted of yourself, you will still be disorganized within. Just a painting with no real soul.So it shows by fixing the main problem, even if the outside look won't be as great as the painting you wish to be or the portrait of yourself that amaze you. It will be real and it will be healed, and will be modifiable on a strong clean base and there will be peace.

Alot of reasons will lead us to mask and try to be others than us till we forget who we are; Autism, ptsd, the absence of parenting, bad environment, wrong companies, and sometimes we come to this world disconnected with who we are, unknown of what's the normal so we mimesis things around us and sometimes we lose control over masking to reveal the emptiness underneath for the ignorance of who we are, when you no longer can hold on to the only thing you know and it slips away.. there is nothing left.

So how to return to your real you!I knew masking before I knew what making is for being an autistic who doesn't know about being autistic till I was 20, also no one around me did knew, there was no awareness of this and I always felt that I was wrong and that I was different,although I was masking I thought everybody does the same but I'm just doing in a very bad helpless way and they clearly know how to do it, praying that someday I may master it like they are.

I tried being others personalities around me to be simply a human for I've never felt like one, and despite how sad and exhausting it is for the whole process, I was oddly happy to know that there are individuals like me. I won't say I'm total aware of the person Iam or that I'm even pleased at this stage but I started to get to finally know my real me and dig it out and, despite of all the struggles and the masking skills that is stitched in my skin, I'm proud to say I'm at advanced stage.

So you put everything in place and name it, I know it takes a lot of time and a lot of experiments to know the wrongs and the rights to get more closer to the truth and this truth which is tricky like a motherf, will appear to you many times with a false hope in the wrong places.It's about facing yourself from when did it all started, how many personalities you imitated, how many do you have now within you, which ones could control you better and which ones comes and goes, mental equation.You can start recording it in notes or writing it down, ask your to go to people, if you have them, and also the ones close to you, about the personality they see, you might be a different person with each one of them and you might show some, more than one person of you, it will help you to know what are you facing of yourself, how many personalities did you gain and how many you disposed overtime.Set down with yourself and leave it all behind, just be and feel this emptiness within, all the personalities of all the masking, all the thoughts in a quite place of your own choice, and how to know it? It's the place you go to when you're overwhelmed, be there without being there, be at peace in peace and be peace. Hard to explain and might sound insane and disconnected but you will know it when you reach it..Take a very simple situation you might have went through oneday and ask yourself what do I wish to do with no boundaries, no rules, nothing of that brain just your heart and emotions, the soul quest, none of your personalities.

Logic and rules and all of that are super important but they are gained from life from experiences and situations and they connect with the person of the personality and sometimes you take the personality as coping but without understanding the behind the scene, so it's not even your play while it seems uncomfortably normal on the theater,but emotions on the other hand, I would say it comes from the soul, the very thing we know shit about, yes it is connected with the personality and logic and together they are very very powerful either to destroy or to raise, like cables you have to put them the right way or they won't work, or worse they could be working but at any glitch they would destroy the whole machine of unexpected stress in a wrong term.You don't wanna be a robot, trust me on this.You are beautiful when you're real, you deserve to experience this and we need you real, even if you turned to be a criminal isn't it amazing to touch the core.You are beautiful when you're real not when your perfect personality matches the standards of whatever.If you let your self love and be loved in that way, I would be so unfair, they deserve to know the real you to decide themselves whether they like you or no, and you deserve to be loved as you truly are, no tricks, no lies, that shit won't work, at least for a long pure term.Because simply one day you will get tired and then boom, mask off and you will looks like nothing but a fuzzy virtual, dead on both inside and outside and it won't happen just once or twice, but constantly, till it peels off of your skin unstickable for good and you will be left in pieces of lunacy, unbearable ugliness.Enough games and manipulating, yes it's great to get what you want but to never assume you can hold what you get forever, you will get exposed then it won't work anymore and as long as it's built on an unstable base it will fade like ashes.Stop gambling your soul.

Not easy but it's fucking worth it, all got it's exhausting way but you choose which way you go.Don't wait till you realize you've wasted your time on the wrong interests trying to be something you're not when you find how satisfied it is to do the call of your soul.I don't know, they say "You attract what you are", So what do you wanna attract? Real, that's what you aim for.

You can't ask just anyone to help you in this, and not every advice is the right one for you but you also should consider them all.Someone who haven't gone through it won't understand, someone who don't understand won't even treat the situation as something that needs process to fix.Someone who has gone thought it might think it's easy or right for you to follow their lead and make you feel weak and helpless.Go for open caring minds, who knows how to help you with your way and accept there'll be times when you go back to zero, but if there is not, baby you can do it on your own, don't underestimate your powers.

It might be the purpose for some of us, an infinity purpose for there is always more of you to find.