Finding the True Facts in Life

Military Life

  Another important chapter in my life is when I joined the military, that was a very important chapter indeed, let me elaborate on how it came to be.
  This pivotal point in my life was perpetrated by my friend Michael. Michael had just graduated from college, and I asked him what his plan for life was now, now that college was over and done with, and he told me the military. I tried my best to talk him out of it, but somehow he talked me in! So it turned out we both enlisted!
  Boot camp was rough, especially since the sergeant did not like me, he always gave me the extra push-ups.
  Since we were soldiers we were given a wide array of tools and weapons, my favorite of which being the combat emplacement excavator, otherwise known as a shovel. I used my combat emplacement excavator any chance and every chance that I received. For example we were in some sort of combat training exercise, and we were all in padded armor and helmets and other protective gear, and we were provided with the weapons of our choice that could be used in close-quarters combat, my opponent chose a knife, my weapon of choice being my shovel!
  We had to fight inside this big box not unlike a wrestling ring, except it was without the outside rope and instead had walls, so it was really more like a box.
  My opponent locked me into a corner of this aforementioned box and the sergeant yelled out, "Private Higglebottom it seems as though your opponent has blocked you into a corner!"
  "Yes I am aware that is does seem to be that way." I replied.
  "What are you going to do about it?" the sergeant then asked.
   Since he asked I answered all while giving a demonstration, "I shall take my combat emplacement excavator and I shall smack him on the up-side of the head!" I said, and I smacked my helmeted opponent on the head causing him to careen to the ground.
  "It is not the most efficient method, Private." the sergeant said, "But it works."
  I smiled, "Why, of course it works!" I grinned, "This is my shovel, and my shovel has never once failed me, except." I added "In the area of preparing meals, in that category my shovel is an utter failure, all it has ever served is sand, fertilizer, dirt, apples (and not the ones that grow on trees mind you, the horse turd type) and for dessert, mud pies. However in any other area my shovel truly shines, especially since I clean it whenever it gets dirty, that really helps it to shine."
  I then gave my shovel a pat on the top of the handle, "Good show, buddy." I said, "Good show!" Then I stepped out of the box, for it was some other peoples turn.
  I had always wanted to fly so after I had been in the military awhile I inquired my superiors as to when I would be allowed to go on a routine, limited-duration, reinforced, protective-reaction, air strike mission, alternatively and more commonly known as a bombing mission.
  Upon being posed with the question, the commander only laughed and said, "You didn't join the air force, Dumb Bum! This is the army!" and he walked off laughing.
  "Oh," said I to myself, "So it is." and so it was.
   I was sad for a time afterwards, for approximately 17,564 seconds to be approximate, but that is only an approximation so do not take that as a true fact. And I do think that it is important to note that at that point of time, I still did not know what the true facts of life were. I know that I know the true facts now, and I will reveal to you at what point I found them in a future chapter, but that is getting ahead of ourselves, let us return to the chapter which is now at hand.
  I soon realized that the military life was not for me, but Michael enjoyed it however (to each his own I suppose) and he stayed on, while I left as soon as I possibly could.
  Although my military life was short it still had a large and meaningful impact upon my life, and I think if I ever had to do it again I do believe I would join the air force.
  About Michael, he was stationed at a base far away, so I never get to see much of him anymore, however we do still keep in contact by way of various forms of communication.
  At this new base at which Michael was stationed, Michael met a lovely lady, and the two became married, and they now have three little children who are growing like weeds! Also I really need to go pay them a visit before they forget who their Uncle Tom is! In fact I think I just might do that as soon as these 18 consecutive days are over, that'll be fun much fun indeed!