Hairball

I exhale a big yawn, and I stretch real long. The floors feel uneven, and shake as I put one foot in front of the other. "I hope he isn't there." Is the only thing I could make out after crashing to the sink to look better than a rats nest. A familiar, soft, stern, but confident voice appeared at my side. It was my Mom. "You know he will be there, and are you ready for that if he is?" Each stroke of the brush rang with that same question. "Are you ready for that?" The ground was shaking more and more with each stroke of my hair. "Are you ready for that?" It was as if my hair was going into my mouth and making a hairball in my throat. "Are you ready for that?" I kept brushing through it. As the light from the window broke through the strands of my hair to answer the question. "Yes, I am." I wish I meant it. I wish the mirror wasn't so foggy so I could see what I was brushing.

The hair against my shoulders shined bright with colors of purple and blue when I walked outside to an impatient car. The cold air made my hair feel heavier, and like the sun was ready to end the day as soon as it started. Even if he was there he wouldn't recognize me anymore after three years. The impatient car released my guardians from this dreadful day. My Aunt Suzie and Uncle David. They have always been peculiar to me. There were never any baby guardians, and there never will be. They were solitary kind of people just like me, and this gave the sun energy to stay in the sky just a bit longer. Before I could muster up a greeting I learned how important hugs were. Not just any hug, but the hug from a guardian. So much warmth radiated that my hair felt lighter on such a spine chilling morning. This was all I needed to reassure "Yes, I am".

The impatient car pulled to a halt. It was my Aunt Stephanie's baptism for her baby. The church felt freeing. The feeling only lasted for what felt like one minute. The floors halted to a mere rumble. Whispers started filling the church, and each of my hair strands had wrapped around these whispers. Pulling me in every which way, forcing me to look at the eyes of stares. The whispers were the same "Are you ready for that?". I felt like pulling every last fiber of my hair off my head, and maybe then I'd find silence. One family member's voice took scissors to these whispers. "Hey it's Dylan! And she has purple hair now cause she's cool." My hair felt lighter once again, but the purple and blue had faded away with the whispers. The clock ticked once, and my family was off to the after party to celebrate this memorable day.

There was laughter, care, and love that filled every room of my Aunt Stephanie's Mom's house. Detangling the hairballs in my throat. The floor ceased to rumble, except in the corners where I knew the all too well known word fake lied. The floor was slowly folding from these corners. Now it felt like hours, and because it had been hours. My guardians always checked on me and made sure that these corners never concave me. "Are you ready to leave?" One guardian asked. Finally the question I liked to hear rang in my ears. As I nodded my hair became purple and blue once again, and my hair was free. Goodbye's filled the rooms now, but it was still glee that filled the rooms even so.

I open the door for my guardians to go first. Feeling amazing that I hadn't seen-. The floors caused an Earthquake that every family member could feel. "Are you ready for that?" The glass screen door was no longer letting any of the light from inside shine outside. "Are you ready for that?" The corners of the floor had me where they wanted me. "Are you ready for that?" A hug that stole all the purple and blue, ripped my hair out for me, and shoved all my hair into my throat at once. My arms numb, limp, detached from me. "Hey Dylan!" A voice of narcissism, lies, and manipulation. My father, after three years of nothing. There were no whispers this time, finally there was silence. No, I didn't have to pull my hair out for it. I only had to not hug my own father back out of sheer agony. How much I longed for this hug three years ago, and not in front of everyone for show. I finally gained an internal response. "Yes, I am ready." Making the floors release me. I walked away in pure silence.

My guardians asked if I was alright, and my purple and blue were now here to stay. They now show me the way, and which hugs I should wish to last every day. Never once did water start running all over me. The only thing that did run over me was my father. It is finally over, but sometimes I do find purple and blue hair strands still coming out of my throat despite having brown hair now. In due time that will finally be over too. My brown hair brings clarity, and peace to me. Knowing this is how I was born, and this is who I stand for. I control the floor's rumbles now. "Are you ready for that?" was now a motivation for me to just be me. My hair still looks like rats nests in the mornings, and I have become ok with that. We aren't perfect, and my father was far from it. Brown has never looked so strong thanks to him.