Starving (One Direction)

Chapter 1. ♡

1.00

My stomach growls as she tells me, and I can't hear what she said.  

"Can you repeat that?" I ask as I lean forward for effect.

"I said, 'we're sending you to live with your father.'" Elizabeth says before cramming a piece of her pancake, dripping with syrup, into her mouth.

Everything seemed to freeze when the words flew out of her mouth along with the spittle from her meal.

"What?"

"Your father knows how to deal with this. He can help you." Elizabeth smiled and tilted her head to the side as though everything will be okay when we all know that it won't.

During my first visit to the hospital, my dad came to see me. Everyone thought he could make everything all better as if it were no big deal like a child scraping his knee when he fell off his bike.

Of course, he could not fix me. But the doctors thought they could. They fed me all the food they had in their cold metal kitchen with sterilized forks and knives. They fed me until I was plump and round and healthy according to the "experts."

"I can't go. What about school?" I pick up my plate of untouched food and carry it to the sink. My feet weigh ten pounds, the plate weighs twenty. I scrape the food into the food disposal and flick the switch for it to go down the drain. I lean against the counter for support as I wait for the food to disappear.

Elizabeth flinches at the sudden noise but continues to stare at me blankly until I flick the switch back off.  

"You can finish when you get there. Your father can get a tutor for you. You only have half a year left." She says while shoving the last of her pancake into her mouth.  

I do not like the way she says "your father." I do not how it sounds in her mouth, floating around with the pancake bits stuck between her teeth. My father and Elizabeth were once married, and they had me. I do not call Elizabeth "Mother." My father's new wife is more of a mother to me than Elizabeth is.

But before I can respond, she screams up the stairs for Aaren to come down, and that she will be late. Seconds later, the chunky little girl makes her was down the stairs with her bag for softball practice. Her hair is uncombed and her clothes are wrinkled.

Elizabeth pushes her out the door, mumbling about how slow she is. Before the door can slam shut, Elizabeth turns around and hesitates. I blink at her with no expression on my face. She stands in the doorway for a moment, deciding whether or not to wait for me to eat.

Apparently, she doesn't have time to stick around and watch me push my food around my plate.  

"Promise me you'll eat, Emma." She pleads.

"I'll get something from the gas station on my way to get Aaren from softball."

She presses her lips into a thin line, making them turn white and stand out against her splotchy red face. I know she can tell that I won't eat, but she has to get Aaren to practice, then head off to work. She nods abruptly, deciding that we will talk about it later. But we won't actually talk. Elizabeth will glare at me for a moment and I will shake my head and apologize, then we will continue with whatever we were doing. That is how we "talk."

She spins on her heel and slams the door behind her, the noise echoing throughout the now silent house.

I drag myself over to the table to pick up her empty plate. My arms shake with the weight of the porcelain plate. I shuffle back to the kitchen and place it into the metal sink.

I can see Elizabeth scolding Aaren in the car for taking so long to get ready through the window above the sink. Elizabeth quickly shakes her head, making the extra skin on her neck jiggle. They back out of the driveway and onto the road, out of sight.

In the corner of the window, a dragonfly is frantically throwing itself against the glass, trying to escape. I watch it for a minute before putting three pieces of gum into my mouth and turning away. I cling to the railing of the stairs as I climb up to my room. My room is freezing. I add another sweater on top of the two that I'm already wearing.

I'm always cold.