17-meaningless

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beomgyu's eyes searched for her.
even if they cant be together, he was grateful enough for her presence.

"where's chaemin?", he asked as held her graduation certificate tightly in his hand.
"she left for new york",yeonjun's voice was gravel like there was a choking heaviness that forced him to pause.
"w-what?",beomgyu blinked several times,"dont joke around, how's that possible?". beomgyu chanted in his thoughts,'she wouldn't have the courage to leave me, not after she waited for me for years. its okay gyu, she's still by your side dont worry.' the teacher unconsciously had his head buried in his arms, tears trickled down his cheeks as he sobbed silently. "that's so irresponsible of her.", beomgyu played it off as if his heart wasn't in wrenching pain, as if he deserved it.

_____________________________________

when he was back in his office, he held an envelope that was on top of her certificate. beomgyu traced her name with his index finger, then opening the envolope.

//FLASHBACK//
when yeonjun came to collect his certificate, he passed an envelope to beomgyu. "before she left, chaemin said to pass this to you."
//END OF FLASHBACK//

dear beomgyu,
if you're reading this then i have left for new york already. after spending years with you did you really think i wouldn't recognise it when you lie? i don't know why you did so but you certainly taught me a lesson.
i realised i was too miserably in love with the image i had of you, i would give excuses to not be disappointed by your change. lastly, to my favourite gyu, thank you for playing such a significant role in my teenage years.
thank you for being my first love, my childhood friend, my brother, my teacher.
i loved you in countless ways.

as beomgyu read word by word, the tears smudged the ink. his shoulders trembled, "i'm sorry!" "i wish that i had ever hurt you", he covered his swollen eyes with his palm, taking deep breaths. beomgyu frantically searched for his phone, pressing onto her name in his contacts.
"please pick up! please let me apologise, please don't leave me empty!", it dawned upon him, so this was how she felt when he left her.



RING!


RING!


RING!


"the person you're calling is unavailable"

____________________________________

beomgyu could vividly remember questioning the purpose of his life. he was at the club, thinking of resignation while chucking down drinks. feeling his head dizzy, he hopes to hear her laughter and miraculously see her even if she was dancing with yeonjun again. the same lady that day approached him, "it's been a long time since i've seen you here!" when she places her hands on his chest, the memories replayed in his head.

//FLASHBACK TO REALISATION//
the conversation between him and yeonjun never left his mind, beomgyu felt like he was not good for chaemin.
his girlfriend clouded his mind, the way she smiles while holding his hand.

'if i really love you, the least i could do is to leave you. but how could i? if i lose you, i'd lose myself because i know i love you more.', he smiles sadly to himself. just then, a knock on the door broke his train of thoughts. the teacher unconsciously smiled when he thought it was his favourite student, but it wasn't.

beomgyu watched as his ex girlfriend walked into his room and started blabbering nonsense about his lover.
as much as he would love to shut her up, he didn't want her to be suspicious of them so he simply nodded just for the sake of it. but he was stunned when ms lee held his face, attaching their lips together. he couldn't move nor push her away, the situation from earlier made him too stress to even process what was happening. only when they heard a sniffle from behind the door then did she pulled away from the forced kiss. he quickly opened the door, wishing it wasn't her.
but the moment beomgyu met eyes with her broken ones, he knew whatever explanation wasn't going to be enough.
"please explain to me, i'll understand. just give me any excuse!", beomgyu's expression softened while he tries to resist the temptation from embracing her uncontrollably trembling body.
he felt the stare from behind and he knew he had to continue the act.
when beomgyu spilt words as hurtful as swords, he bit himself trying to not let the tears spill out. the taller man chanted apologies in his heart but he was aware that it'll never be enough.

beomgyu knew that if ms lee let jealousy take over her, she has the ability to change the marks chaemin worked hard for.
he had no choice but to be cruel to her and himself.
//END OF FLASHBACK//

//END OF FLASHBACK//

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