The Heart of Fear

XIV

C h a p t e r F o u r t e e n
of "The Heart of Fear":

The white corridors of the hospital seemed more unwelcoming than ever before, and just like everything else, it seemed to be surreal.

I knew that I was beginning to have a panic attack; my surroundings had started to change and I felt captured and threatened - but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Adam was gone, and I didn't know where he was and no one cared enough to tell me if he was okay or not. I felt worried and angry, but mostly afraid. The one who meant the most in the whole wide world was gone, my worst fear had become reality.

I was afraid for the sake of Adam, for us. I was afraid of what's to come, what if I wouldn't be able to see Adam again? My heart was beating harder for every step I took, my breaths were becoming shorter and faster. I felt sick, and I wanted to scream.

I wanted to scream so that the world would know how much it hurt my heart, I wanted everybody to know how real pain felt. Because all of my nightmares about Adam's dissapearance didn't seem to be anything more than a small breeze against the gigantic hurricane of fear that was my mind right now. I was terrified.

"Alexandra?" I stopped abruptly and whirled around. A man dressed in white clothes and glasses stood behind me, his gace wondering. I swallowed quickly before I answered.

"Y-yes?" My voice was horace and broken, but all I cared about was to see if this man knew anything about Adam.

"This way. There is a young man who's asking for you in room 132." I nodded, begging him to show me the way as I tried to gain control of my breathing.

○

After stopping outside the door of room 132, I thanked the doctor who hurried away with a simple nod. I took a deep breath before I laid my sweaty palm onto the doorknob before turning it.

There was only a simple bed in the room, a bed in which a young man with golden locks were laying. I carefully took a couple of steps into the room before I closed the door behind me. I took another deep breath before walking towards Adam. When it was only a couple of steps that separated me and Adam, I stopped.

Adam stared at the ceiling with empty eyes, the sight had me desperately wanting to say that everything was going to be alright. But the truth was that I did not know, and even if I would have lied and said that we were going to be okay, I knew that I wouldn't been able to even fool myself.

"A-adam? H-how can y-you f-feel so b-bad because of t-the a-astma?" My voice quivered, I was terrified of what he was going to say next. And when I saw how his eyes watered, I had to stop myself from breaking down there and then. After a couple of minutes of silence, he whispered the few words that were going to change our future together, forever:

"Lexie... my loved Lexie... I-I... I have lung cancer." It felt as if my heart broke into two and my lungs couldn't take in enough oxygen for me to breathe. Adam had cancer. Adam had lung cancer. As my world came tumbeling down in front of my eyes, I turned around and ran out of the room without a word, and when I heard the door slam close, I felt how the tears started to stain my cheeks.

Oh, my dear, dear, Adam.