ghost - halsey

who i used to be

Purpose. Everyone has one, even me. What is my purpose? That's what I've been trying to figure out. All my life I've been searching to be something more than what I am. I don't want to be forgotten, I want to be remembered.

Not as just a face in an endless crowd of people, but as a lover and a fighter until my last breath. But rather than begin to make my mark on the world, I lay sprawled across the creaky mattress on my cold basement floor, drinking in the despair around me. I had no motivation, none, Zip, zero. Sighing I struggled to pull myself up and to my feet.

My parents often tell me I'm throwing my life away, which isn't the case. I'm simply not making use of the precious years I have been given. I spend my days as a castaway. Cooped up in the basement, blaring alternative rock, and getting high. I loved to see the fluffy gray clouds of smoke drift from my pale lips and disappear into thin air.

It was somehow relaxed me. The only time that I would ever leave the basement is when I needed to eat, when my friends came over, or when I had to go to school. I was like a bear in hibernation, there was only so little I would wake up for.
BANG
I shot up from my current position as my ears tuned in to the all-to-familiar sound. "Anna Maria! Get up love, school starts in an hour and you are NOT skipping again!" I groaned and dragged myself into the bathroom. For someone who hadn't slept in three days, I looked pretty good. My auburn curls cascaded down my back and my hazel orbs shined as I looked myself straight in the mirror.

My outfit of choice for today was a plain white tee, a red and blue flannel, ripped skinny jeans, and my dirty white converse. Running up the stairs and into the kitchen, I slung my backpack over one shoulder and grabbed a piece of burnt toast off the countertop. "Bye sweetie! Have a great day! Don't forget about your calculus quiz!! I hope you studied."

I brushed her off and continued to walk. The sun beat down on me and the wind started to pick up speed as I strut down the street. It wasn't long before I got to Charlie's house. As usual, she sat on her porch step waiting for me to arrive. Upon my arrival, her eyes lit up and her smile flashed off her pearly whites. Charlie had moved to Texas a few years back and we had been best friends ever since. I lived on the border of a small town called Allen Texas where if you didn't play sports, you were a reject.

Both Charlie and I attended a private school in Dallas. "Hey Anna." She said cheerfully. "Hey, did you study for our calculus quiz?" "Yeah, did you?" "pfft, no. I'm just going to skip today." "Dude your mum will kill you. Remember last time?" "No she won't because the test is online and Maddie already took it so she's just going to pose as me during lunch and do it for me." "Smart, very smart. But who's going to pose as me and take my test? Because as your best friend, I'm not going to let you be stupid without having someone to be stupid with. Because that's what best friends do." She giggled and I smiled.

Within an hour, we were out on the highway. Charlie drove as I stared out the window and admired the outside world. The skies were painted a beautiful blue and the clouds reminded me of the smoke that was soon to escape my lips once more. The atmosphere calmed any nerves that I might've had. The faint sound of music drifting through the car radio and into my ears mixed with the wind whirling through my hair made me smile.

For once in my life I didn't feel like a waste of space. For once, I felt somewhat normal. "Uh oh..." Charlie mumbled with a worried expression painted across her features. "What? What do you mean by uh oh?" I asked, my voice seeped with concern.

"Nothing, were just running low on gas, that's all." She reassured me. Within the next three miles, we reached a small gas station that smelled oddly of beef jerky and cigarettes. An aroma that was all too familiar to me. Next to Charlie's car was a bus. It looked sort of like a tour bus, but I couldn't tell due to the hood of the car blocking the letters on the bus.

I checked my pockets, in hope that I had a pack of cigarettes I could smoke while Carlie wasn't looking. Although neither Maddie nor Charlie approved of me smoking, it was a fact that I was more tolerable when I was high. Sadly, there was no pack to be found. Sighing, I dragged myself unwillingly into the scrubby gas station.

I paid little attention to what I was doing, so on my way out of the store. I stumbled on a 'slippery when wet' sign and ended up falling and knocking someone over in the process. When I got up and faced the person behind me, I was astonished. For in front of me, stood an angel. Her long silky blue hair floated elegantly down h back and her perfect features blew me away. I was speechless by her beauty.

My mouth hung open, flopping like a fish out of water. "I-I'm so sorry I wasn't watching where I was going and I-" she cut me off, "It's okay. Don't worry about it. I'm Ashley, but you can call me Halsey." She smiled and I felt my heart speed up. "I'm Anna." I said happily. I looked down at the cigarettes scattered across the floor and picked one up. Grabbing my lighter out of my back pocket, I lit it up and inhaled the smoke.

"You know smoking is really bad for you, right?" she asked me. I took the cigarette out of my mouth.

"Yeah I know." She took the cigarette from my hand and inhaled the smoke as well.

"yet you do it anyway..." I mumbled in astonishment. She chuckled at me.

"You learn something new every day," she muttered and she grabbed a pen and scribbled something onto my palm. "like my number..." she winked at me before whispering into my ear.

"Call me sometime cutie. I think that we should talk." She gave me one last rebellious glance before heading out of the store, making sure to flaunt her ass as she did so. "Shit I'm gay..." I said to myself.