Golden Journal

Entry 1 - First

January 2, 2015

I never thought in my entire life that I, Olivia Steele would be writing about myself. Like any other teen I'm not comfortable with myself and never found myself interesting but my dad had always told me I was just as interesting as the Mona Lisa.

But most people my age thought the Mona Lisa was just a freaky lady that might be smiling like or a man.

I think he was just telling me that to make me feel better about myself. I always felt like I let my dad down whenever I said something negative about myself. He always told me I was his princess and I should never say anything bad about myself.

Ever since he found out about my anxiety and lack of self-esteem he made me write in a journal to express and let all my feelings out on paper. Ever since I got it - which was on Christmas, I never really thought I would ever write in it but until New Year when I got no 'Happy New Year' text messages from anyone, I realized that no one really cares about me and I thought I didn't belong here anymore.

I always thought about doing it you know but the thought of leaving my dad alone. I couldn't bare with it. That's when I decided to write about myself and my insecurities and how much I blamed myself for my mom's death.

You could guess that I'm not exactly the social butterfly at my school now. Freshman year I was a completely different person. I was always happy and made new friends. I was always smiling freshman year but my smile faded over the years.

That's pretty much how the first year of high school was for me.

My second year I was starting to die down on being social to every person I saw. Except my teachers. I was such a teachers pet and that made kids hate me even more.

Now I'm 16 years old - a junior in high school, practically invisible to the human eye and that's how it's always going to be. I learned that people thought I was annoying, a bītch, weird, a freak, a slūt and the list goes on.

Ever since India Ray - funny story, she used to be my best friend - embarrassed me in front of my entire class because my bra was visible through my shirt, I was always terrified to be in front of crowds. That was the day I had my first anxiety attack. Not the best feeling in the world by the way.

I've never seen my dad look at me so scared before. He looked just as scared as the time he got the phone call from the hospital one evening.

It was 3 days before break was over and back to school. My absolute worst nightmare.

Not going into detail but yea that's been my life so far. A big parade and I happen to be the center of attention.

I hate attention.

。。。

This update was just for Zoee：)

I'm really happy for you guys to read this I really wanted to change this story for the longest and I finally did and I love how it's turning out and I hope you guys do too.

This is not a fan fiction. It's just a story I wanted to write about and yea. I really hope people can relate to this and I just want to write about this situation which is like bullying and anxiety because I know people go through this and they shouldn't have to. No one should and I wanted this book to help people maybe I don't know.

Also I want to try to update every other Tuesday so this update for supposed to be for this Tuesday but I obviously didn't update but now I did so yea.

Okay anyways,

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