2020. The year it all began. My best friend and I were stalking guys from our school. We found an account we both found attractive. She had a crush on him but so did I... I did not tell her cause I wanted them to work out! I encouraged her to text him, and she did. Soon, he found out she liked her and rejected her. But then she found out I liked him. She was not sad he rejected her or that I liked him. She lost feelings for him the minute they started talking. Then soon he texted me. And fuck, he managed to make me vent to him. Turns out, he was going through the same thing. We really connected and he ended up saying he had a crush on me but I rejected him even though I wanted him. Soon, I had to block him since my family did not really want me to have any contact with men. A few months later, I unblocked him and texted him. And we connected again... And I blocked him again because I was regaining feelings.
A year later, he texted me with another account wishing me because it was my birthday. It was sweet. And well, I started talking to him, telling him about my past relationships and how I feared getting in one again. He said he wanted to court me. To show me how much he loved me and how he and I will not be anything like my past relationships.
And he courted me, and I fell for him. Again. And then he asked me out and I said yes. And, Oh boy, did I know he would be a completely different person when we started dating? He left when I needed him the most and even stopped texting me. He kept telling me he had stuff to do but he loved me. And I believed him. After giving him 7-9 chances. I broke up with him. He suggested trying again after a few days. I told him I did not want to. And then he fought with my friend cause he thought she was the reason I broke up with him so I blocked him.
He did not love me. I do not think he will ever love me the way I wanted him to. Love is not perfect or easy but love is not supposed to take my sanity away. I told him everything, I let my walls down. And he listened, took everything in and hurt me worse. And I still stayed.
Maybe if I loved him a little harder, he would change... Maybe he'd look at me like how he looks at her.
