Always an Option

Chapter 28 - Fight For Love

Pumikit ako nang mariin nang maalala ko ang takot na naramdaman ko noong muntik mawala si Aziel. It was a heartbreaking fear! Yung tipong parang hinahalukay ang sikmura at kinakapos ka ng hininga. Akala ko tuluyan siyang kukunin samin pero mabuti nalang at narevive siya ng doktor.

I still remember the fear and tears of our twin.

"Mommy, pupunta na ba ng heaven si Daddy?" Tanong ni Archer samantalang tahimik lang na nakaupo si Archon. "Kukunin na siya ni Papa God?"

"No, baby, hindi pa. Kase diba, Daddy has to meet you pa and kuya?" Tumango lang si Archer pero nakita ko yung takot.

They are too young to witness this at baka magkatrauma sila kaya humingi ako ng pabor kay Isabelle to look for the kids. Si Mondi kase ay busy sa investigation kasama si Ahmed para mahuli ang gunman at makasuhan ang Papa ni Ahmed.

Nandito ako ngayon sa ospital at nagbabantay kay Aziel mag-isa.

"Azi..."

"Please wake up..."

"Ikaw ha. Masyado mong sinusulit ang oras mo kasama si Kayle. Sige lang, pagkagising mo sakin kana forever."

Dati sobrang sakit tuwing maiisip ko na hindi ko kailanman mapapalitan ang lugar ng kakambal ko, na kahit kailan hindi ako mamahalin ni Aziel katulad ng pagmamahal niya kay Kayle. It was a torture. Lagi kong iniisip na may kulang sakin. Until nagkaroon na ako ng panic attacks, anxiety and depression. Overthinking slowly killed me to the point I almost lost myself, my identity.

But now I come with peace na hindi ko pwedeng ikumpara ang dalawang pagmamahal na iyon. Aziel loves us both differently. Hindi na importante kung sino ang higit na minahal. Maswerte ka dahil nagmahal ka at minamahal ka pabalik.

And there are many types of a love.

Some are intense love, a aggressive type kind of love that you'll fight all odds to be the person you love.

Some are comfort love, a type of love where you felt at home. Hindi mo kailangan na magpanggap kung sino ka dahil sa isang tahanan, tanggap ang kamalian at kalakasan mo. At yung sa hinaba-haba man ng panahon ay siya padin ang uwian mo dahil nobody beats home.

And whatever type of love you have, always remember that it is not less than the others.

I realized that as we matured, we love differently because we now look love and life in broader way. It comes with experience and pain to know how you'll value love once you have it.

I looked at Aziel with teary-eye but my eyes widen when I saw him, staring at me with sad eyes.

Mas lalo akong napaiyak nang magtama ang mga mata namin. Marami akong emosyon na naramdaman pero nangibabaw ang hindi ko maipaliwanag na saya. I felt so relieve while looking into his eyes. He's alive! I thought I won't ever see his beautiful eyes, his powerful eyes which can look into my soul and make my knees weak.

My tears fell but it was tears of joy!

"Akala ko kapag mawawala na ako, tuluyan ka ng sasaya. Pero bakit umiiyak ka na naman? How can I unhurt you, Baby? Paano ko tatanggalin ang sakit? Tell me. Sabihin mo, please." Sabi ni Aziel sa paos niyang boses kahit na hirap na hirap magsalita.

His tears fell too pero mas inuna niyang pinunasan ang mga luha ko. It takes a man to cry infront of a woman but Aziel is not afraid to his weakness to me. He was always rare and raw with me, I can read him, I memorize him. Dati hindi ko maappreciate yun because I was too obsess on making him love me more than Kayle pero now that I matured and realized a lot, Aziel trusted me the most.

"Kung alam ko lang na pagkagising ko makikita na naman kita umiiyak, hindi na sana ako lumaban para mabuhay. It fucking hurt to see you cry! Tangina. Wala na talaga akong ginawa tama pagdating sayo. Lagi ka nalang nasasaktan at umiiyak, to make it worst, ako ang pinaka dahilan."