Life becomes bleak and boring when you have eternity. Each day becomes too long. A memory you can look back open and believe maybe I had a purpose that day. Eternity is hell. Every day, every second, every time he tries to breath then remembers he doesn't need to... Is a reminder that Raphael is dead.
That he would forever love someone then watch them grow old and die! He believes that would be all life is. That was until he met Simon.
Just a young innocent boy. When Camille ordered him to retrieve Simon he expected some tough Shadowhunter with knifes up his sleeves. He didn't expect to meet a dorky adorable guy. Simon was clearly innocent. An angel within hell. Dancing with the flames. Brushing up against Satan. Yet never tainted.
Simon was the color to the black and white life Raphael lived in. Yet Raphael feared him. No, not Simon. He feared himself. He didn't trust himself.
Simon was a poor mundane. Easy to kill. A simple kiss to the forehead could crush his skull if he wasn't careful. Raphael couldn't kill such a beauty.
However when he promised Camille to kill him he actually did plan on. But he hesitated. As he held the boy to his chest. A knife to the throat. He heard the pounding in his chest. The delicates hover between Simons breath. The nerves balance in his feet. Raphael couldn't kill Simon because life flooded his very skin.
Raphael felt the desire to kiss and take away every ounce of pain Simon had felt. He didn't want Simon to die. So he didn't kill him. He let him go.
He watched as Simon clung to clary like a lost puppy for days. He followed around telling lily it was to make sure Simon didn't say anything to the clave. Raphael remembered lily's exact words.
"Uh-huh. Right. Raphael are you trying to convince me or yourself. "
Raphael didn't want to admit it but she was right. He was trying to convince himself he didn't care. But every time Simon tripped or scrapped his knee, Raphael felt the urge to run up to him and help him.
He wasn't flooded with urges to drink Simons human blood. In fact, he didn't care about his sweet scented blood all he wanted was to take away the poor boys pain.
And when Simon died... Raphael broke. He tries to keep it together. But he hated the fact Simon would forever be dead like him. He didn't want Simon to feel what he did.
And when Simon spouted all those words. "I-im a monster!!!" "I'm dangerous clary!!!" Raphael was heartbroken. Because like it or not Simon wasn't just calling himself a monster he was calling all vampires monsters.
Raphael hated the feeling that filled his stomach as Simon talked. He felt disgusted with himself. He felt ugly. And gross. But he never admitted it... Until today.
Raphael had laid in bed simply thinking about all the things he could have done with his life when his fledging barged in. "Raphael!!! Save me!" Simon screamed running into his room then jumping under the bed.
"Simon! What the hell happened!" Raphael lurched over the bed looking at the scared boy.
"I kinda pissed Lily off and now she is trying to kill me! Seriously! She grabbed a broken piece of wood. She gonna stake me!!" Simon sobbed.
Raphael raised an eyebrow, "fine fledging hide here. She won't come in here. I specifically made rules no one is to come in my room." Raphael emphasized the no one.
Simon smiled sheepishly. "Sorry..." Simon paused before sliding out from under the bed. He smiled at Raphael.
He looked around curiously at the undeads room. "So I'm not going to find some drained out body stuffed in your closest right?" Simon giggled at his own joke.
Raphael laughed under his breath. No bodies drained. But he did have some skeletons and secrets he didn't want the sweet boy too know about.
Simons neck snapped towards Raphael. "Oh my g- fuck forgot I couldn't say g-. But did the emo vampire Raphael just laugh... And at my joke! Wow... Who are you and where have you placed my dear Raphael!!!!"
Raphael just shook his head smiling just a bit before he paused and looked at Simon who flashes a brilliant smile. "Uh Simon..." Raphael looked around nervously.
"Yes?" Simon responded clueless. "Did you just say my dear Raphael." Raphael smirked before standing up.
Simon gasped. He quickly turned towards the door. Raphael appeared in front of it and smiled. "Uhhhhhh. Well, I meant it like a friend. My dear friend Raphael. Bro! So manly. Bruhhhh." Simon nervously chuckled.
Raphael nodded not believing the boy. "Haha is it getting hot in here! Wait actually it's really cold..." Simon said shivering.
Raphael took notice to the ten drop of temperature. "Shit." Raphael swore.
Raphael didn't do well in the cold. Yeah, kinda messed up. Raphael a vampire doesn't like the cold. He began shivering. He slid under the covers of his bed hoping to find warmth. Then he remembered he couldn't feel warmth.
He sighed before laying down. He gazes up at his ceiling fan. He simply just thought. Of endless useless thoughts. Ignoring his fledgling "Soooo raphael... You don't like the cold or something." Simon breathed out his words. He tested if it was okay to sit, by gentle rest on the end beside Raphael. Raphael normally would have pushed him off the end but he was suddenly exhausted and didn't have the energy too "Yes." He simply stated.
"Ahhhh. Why?" Simon asked curiously. He leaned over Raphael and looked at him.
"Reminds me im dead." Raphael ignored Simons eyesight. Raphael tried to slide away from Simon.
Simon laughed, "So not the drinking blood part!" He laid next to Raphael and giggled. Raphael frowned. Simon so near him made him uneasy. Or well, giddy. He didn't know himself well enough to know what he might do.
"That does too. Anything and everything I do, reminds me im dead and always will be. It reminds me I will never feel love or warmth again. That people will always be scared of me. That they will coward away when they see me." Raphael vented out. Raphael spoke as if he forgot who was listening.
Silence erupted.
A minute passed.
Then two.
Then a simple sniffle.
"I... I didn't know that. Well I'm not scared of you. I think you are really cool." Simon smiled softly turning his head to Raphael, brushing away his tears.
Surprised Raphael rose an eyebrow. "Not scared huh?" He asked.
Simon nodded, "yeah you can be intimidating but truth is I'm not scared of you. You are a lost puppy who just needs someone. A home. Warmth." Simon shrugged as if it was the most obvious thing.
Raphael would have been blushing if he wasn't dead. Ah yes. Raphael gets flustered so easily. And is a hopeless romantic. With layers of trust issues and attachment issues. Once he gets close with someone he gets too attached and has a big fear of being abandoned. So he either pushes everyone away, or gets his heart stuck on a certain adorable boy. (*Cough cough* Simon).
"That- that is an awful description of me." Raphael scoffed.
Simon giggled and sat up on the bed. He swung his legs over Raphael's. He straddled him, and cupped Raphael's cheeks innocently. "Hehe, no it isn't. Look at you, you are a little puppy."
Raphael growled and flipped them over. Simon now laying on the bed. "A puppy with sharp ass claws and long teeth." He leaned down and whispered in Simon's ear. "A puppy who isn't tamed."
Simon blinked. Once. Twice. A third time. He finally processed what just happened. Yelped and jumped out from under Raphael. He ran to the door. He ran out of it and too his own room.
Ah.
Fucking great.
Raphael thought.
I fucked up.
Again.
