Trigger warnings :
Suicide, Panic Attacks
It’s been two weeks since they died.
They seemed so happy and full of joy. Their smile was beautiful, and everytime they smiled, I felt the butterflies in my stomach.
Their name is, or was, Sasha. Sasha was non-binary and used the pronouns They/He, but preferably they/them. I loved them. They never knew, because I never told them, I was so scared of rejection. Now Sasha’s gone and I regret not telling them how I felt and still feel.
Sasha left their diary for me to read.
This is the story of why Sasha killed themself, and how I found back to hope.
“20th of February.
Dear diary,
My therapist told me it could be a good idea for me to write in a diary, and formulate my feelings.
Yesterday was my birthday. I got a new phone and some money from my grandma. The birthday itself was fine, I guess, but I got deadnamed and misgendered all the time. My family still has to adjust, but they are supportive.”
Sasha told their family that they are non-binary on Christmas, they still struggle with the change but they slowly get it.
“28th of February.
Dear diary,
I forgot you existed.
The bullying at my school got worse since they all found out that I’m trans.
I got thrown at with trash, that was pretty disgusting. I try not to care, so they don’t think it hurts me. But it does hurt me. A lot. They make me feel like shit. The only person making me feel safe is Loris. I love her, but I would never tell her.”
My heart stopped. I start to cry. I miss them so much.
