halfwitted dense dumbass

Part 1

[Current mood: lying in bed while listening to 'you give love a bad name' while that bastard of a cheating ex cooks in the kitchen with my roommates]

[.......that's a very specific mood. Smth i should know?]

[It's totally hypothetical. The narcissistic scumbag is actually finished cooking and eating his fucking pancakes with my fucking roomates]

[I don't know what I should be more concerned about. Your current situation or your sudden grammatical and spelling improvements while texting]

[fuk u]

[That's more familiar. Do you want me to come over and shoo him off?]

[....naaahhh... I just wanna complain about it cuz i hate him and i hate my roommates rn]

[Why are they cooking with him?]

[theyre all friends. My stupid roommates are the ones who intro'd us]

[Ahh... that's less than ideal. Want to spend the night at my place?]

[bish I might]

[Your eloquence in the face of adversity never fails to impress. Should I pick you up in an hour?]

[....make it 30min, i can hear them all laughing together and its giving me fucking hives]

[On my way now :) don't burn the place down]

[pssshhh when have I ever burned a place down?] [Well, except for that one time] [u promised not to bring that up anymore tho]

[A molotov cocktail into the school isnt an easy thing to forget, Cale.]

[I didn't say forget abt it, i said dont bring it up]

[I exercise emotional honesty with you. I think it's the only way to keep me sane]

[i aint ur therapist]

[.....sane from your insanity. I'm getting in the car, stop texting]

[bish u dont control me] [c'mon text and drive] [do it coward] [ohhh look at me, im a 'responsible adult' who drives 'safely'] [bish] [how long does it take u to get here anyway???] [r u just stopped at the side of the road to kill time] [hey u wtf why are u taking so long] [ommggggg you could at least reply at stop lights] [this is how people die, alberu. Safe driving. Kills millions of ppl a year] [ugh theyre playing a board game now] [remind me to burn down my apartment with my roommates inside it] [hey can we play a game at ur place?] [nvm i dun wanna play a game lets watch a movie] [ever think we should fuck?] [no homo but it'd be hot] [really? No rply even to that??? R u not even reading my texts?] [I feel neglected, ur the worst friend ever]

[Here]

[omw down, ily!]

Alberu shook his head at the text. Cale wasn't really that moody in person. He wondered if Cale was just more honest via text or if he just enjoyed being dramatic.

Could be both. Could be neither.

He didn't have to wait long before Cale was slamming just the passenger side door and buckling his seatbelt with all the energy of a bank robber escaping with a getaway driver.

It made Alberu a little suspicious about potentially flammable outcomes to his apartment but he knew that while Cale did have a reckless streak he wouldn't actually do anything that would endanger human life. The 'molotov cocktail' incident had actually been a legitimate accident despite all odds to the contrary.

Alberu paid little heed to Cale's frantic energy and pulled out of the spot slowly and safely. He wasn't about to get in an accident, especially not with Cale in the car.