Night Shanghai

3

NO ONE DARED to touch me or say a thing to me since Huang Xiao Mei came into my life. I had spent most of my time with my grandma, but with Huang Xiao Mei, I started to do more things.

Things that friends do.

We got 糖葫芦 (Tanghulu)s almost every week after school, with the allowance her mom gave her. And then we'd run back to my place and gobble them down like barbarians, listening to the radio with my grandma. We'd talk about school and all sorts of things while my grandma sat on her rocking chair and did her knitting. Then, the same song I heard every day would come up. We'd sing 夜上海～ repeatedly, my grandma also joining along.

Afternoons were spent together at each others' houses doing homework and being served dinner like we were royalties, not moving at all and water and food brought to us at a single call. We'd even pretend to be those rich and privileged kids that were wealthier, living in completely different worlds even though they were just a few streets ahead, in newly built compounds and thirty-floored apartments.

We were only ten, but sometimes it was like we were older than our age. Her parents owned a small grocery store around the corner of a well-known middle-to high school that every parent in Shanghai dreams their child could get into. Famous people and successful people went there, it was like if you got in, your life is already set on the runway to success.

Their grocery is popular to the students that attend Shanghai XuJiaHui Middle High School, but as much money, it was still not enough to get Huang Xiao Mei into the school. It was already hard to get in without a scholarship, and though they did offer these scholarships, it was almost impossible for those like us.

One day, near the start of fifth grade, I asked Huang Xiao Mei if she wanted to go to Xu Jia Hui Middle High.

She thought about it for a while on the way as we walked to school, stroking her chin and furrowing her eyebrows.

"I suppose. My parents have been talking about that school since the moment I was born. Of course I want to go there."

"Just because they've been talking about it all your life doesn't really mean that you want to go there, right?" I kicked a small rock pedal forward, and when we walked up to where I kicked it, she kicked it.

She stuffs her hands in her jacket. "I don't know. I guess I don't care, really. I just want to do what makes them happy, then, that'll make me happy." Turning to look at me, she smiled broadly.

I frowned a bit, the first time really comprehending that Huang Xiao Mei believed what she said. Then, catching me off-guarded, she asked, "What about you? Do you want to go there?"

"I don't know."

We kept walking until we reached the school campus, then we parted our separate ways to go to different classes. But for the rest of that day, I wondered to myself that question she asked.

What did I want to do?

—————

Toward spring, everyone was studying for the exam that tells us which middle school we were accepted into.

Huang Xiao Mei was determined to get into Xu Jia Hui Middle High, so we stopped hanging out because her parents wanted her to study once she got back from school.

I returned to spending my afternoon hours with my grandma, sitting in the living room and listening to the radio. Even though we had a TV, my grandma always preferred the radio over the screen she called "potential riddance". And so, it was the same routine: homework, radio, and dinner.

Days passed, turning to weeks, and then finally the exam.

I wasn't a dumb kid. I had a quick brain, good at math, and decent enough writing. I was at the top of my English class too, not really knowing why. My teacher even once told me that I talked as if I was almost fluent.

Except that spring, I didn't know what I was doing. I studied somewhat, but I wasted most of the time into nothingness. It wasn't that I didn't want to study. It was that I didn't know what I wanted, what I was working towards.

And so it was too late when all of a sudden Huang Xiao Mei was running to me and clenching me hard until I couldn't breathe.

"I got in! I got in! YuYe, I GOT IN!"

She jumped up and down, and I congratulated her. We went to her house that day for celebration, the dinner so plentiful and delicious I almost cried.

Then the schools I got accepted into came, and none of them was Xu Jia Hui Middle High.

I told Huang Xiao Mei about it. And I couldn't seem to understand her expression when I broke the news to her.

She held me really tight for a while. Then without saying anything she left the topic alone.

—————

It was summer, and after all the studying, her parents let her do whatever she wanted. We went to fast food restaurants and chatted for hours there. We went swimming, and secretly bused to The Bund without any parental supervision, the tourist attraction where fancy western buildings and exotic foods were. It was the best summer ever, and almost every single night we had sleepovers, sharing secrets, gossip, and just random thoughts.

In my house, sharing the same bed, we could hear the sound of crickets singing. It was calming, plus we were always so tired after our daytime adventures and so we'd fall asleep to the sounds.

Except one night I could not fall asleep, even with the sounds of the crickets. It was close to the end of summer, and I had my eyes wide open. I didn't want this summer to end, didn't want to think about what came after this. She and I would be in different schools with different lives. She got a half scholarship, which wasn't what they were aiming for but it was better than nothing and her parents could still afford it. She was about to become one of the richer and more privileged kids we made fun of together. She was headed for a different path than me.

As I thought about these things, her voice broke my chain of thoughts. She's awake too?

"Are you still awake?"

"Yeah."

I feel her turn to face me, the thin sheets enveloping her tiny body. From the window and creamy curtains, the lighting of the moon shone on her. It was almost majestic. Her brown eyes seemed to glow, and her hair was reflected with a warm-ish white lighting.

I feel her nudge closer, her breath close to mine.

"Han YuYe?"

She never called me by my name with my surname. "Yeah?"

"Can you hear my heartbeat?"

And as she asked the question, it was like I started hearing that small thump thump, pumping gently behind her chest. I nodded, not being able to utter a word, my body stilled and no longer in my control.

My own heart, as if, seems to match her rhythm, beating faster than it should. A small tingle of butterflies runs crazy around my stomach. And as everything seems to be happening, I feel my cheeks warm the moment her lips touch mine.

Under the moonlit dark, we stay like that until she lets go.

I feel her whisper rather than hear.

"I'm going to miss you."

She takes my hand and holds it for the rest of the night, never letting go. I don't say a word, either.